Finding You

Anxiety

"Alex?" I asked, confusion laced into my voice, as I looked him up and down. He looked very excited.

"What do you want, Aleesa?" Alex asked, groaning as if he was stating the obvious, "I'm busy, as you can see."

"B-b-usy? What gives you the right-" I started, my temper rising, but Alex cut me off.

"Shut up. I'm a man, and I have needs." Alex finished, rolling his eyes and bringing them back towards Vanessa.

"And I'm a man, and speaking for all the men out there, we don't all act like d*cks." A voice said behind me.

I quickly swivelled, around to see the taxi driver, who had dropped me off.

"Who the hell are you?!"Alex started, putting down Vanessa, and storming towards Mr. Taximan. He had to look up at him, due to the height difference.

"I'm nobody." The taxi driver shrugged.

"Well, nobody, don't get in my way!" Alex responded, and shoved the taxi guy. (I genuinely don't know his name)

I flinched, expecting the Taxi driver to topple over onto me. However, he didn't move an inch.

My boyfriend's eyes widened in shock. Who could be that strong?

"I-i-i-i-i'm s-so sorry, sir!" He mentioned, and bowed down.

Yes. He actually bowed.

The taxi driver raised an eyebrow.

"J-just treat your girl with respect." He finished, and walked out of the cafe.

He strolled into his taxi and brought something out. He signalled to me to meet him outside.

In the pouring rain.

Bruh.

I eventually moved my stiff legs and waltzed towards the door.

"Hey." I told him, unsure of what else I was supposed to say. It was these times that my anxiety really kicked in, crippling me, and causing a chain reaction, which usually led to a panic attack.

"Hey, you forgot your purse in my taxi. I just wanted to give it to you." Taxi man said, handing my purse to me, his face clear of any emotion.

My face flushed. It was that time of the month and no-one was supposed to know!

"O-o-o-h, thanks, I guess." I shakily responded, clutching onto my bag even closer. I continued.

"Is there anyway I can thank you for standing up for me, ummm, I really don't know your name." I finally blurted, and flushed even redder than before.

"It's my job." He pressed.

"No seriously, can I take you out for dinner or something?" I really appreciate what you did for me. No-one else would do that for me. And I still don't know your name." I answered back.

Nonetheless, the mystery man had already got into his taxi, and kicked the engine.

" Look, Candy, I'm a busy man, but, luckily for you I'm willing to make an exception. Friday night. We'll meet at the cafe down the road. Be there or be square." He uttered, and began to drive off slowly.

"The name's Brendan." He finally mentioned through his tinted window, and drove off.

***

"Aleesa. We need to talk. Now." Alex told me, raising his voice.

"But I don't want to talk to you?" I responded, raising an eyebrow. What gave him the right to talk to me like that?

"I said NOW!" Alex shouted, and forcefully grabbed my wrist, dragging me into the storage room.

Slamming the door behind him, he turned to me and shoved me against the cluttered walls.

"Aleesa. What gives you the right to walk into this cafe, your job, with a man practically on your heels. What gives you the right to disobey me?" Alex started.

However, I was having none of it.

"Let's turn this argument around then. What gives you the right to see me walk into this cafe, while you're still unemployed, with Vanessa basically attached to you. What gives you the right to betray me like that?" I responded, obviously clapping back.

Slap.

The slap rang throughout the room, as I clutched at my face. The effect of the slap had me flat on the ground, quivering, as Alex looked down at me.

"You are nothing to me. I could easily have you replaced within a click of my fingers. Why do you think you're important? You're really nothing special. Show some respect." Alex finished, and with one last glare, he left the room.

Phew. He was gone.

I slumped even further to the floor than I thought possible.

Maybe I really am nothing.

Every day, the same thing happens, whether he's drunk or sober. It happens to hurt more when he's sober, as you know Alex has a clear mind at that point in time.

Maybe I am weak. All I do is quiver under someone stronger, better. Why can't I be that person?

Why?

The tears wouldn't stop coming.

All of my pent up emotions, that no-one would ever listen to, all poured out in one go, like a river.

My breathing now became ragged, and I couldn't see my left from my right, as the substantial amount of tears wouldn't stop.

It wouldn't.

No matter how much I tried to be strong, my glass wall that I used to protect myself, had been shattered.

No matter how nice and forgiving I was with people, the abuse would never stop.

So what's the point?

What's the point of being nice, if all I'm going to get is pain on the receiving end?

It's like I'm trapped in a cage. The walls keep closing into me, squeezing out any hope I had left, that people would actually care about what I thought, what I do.

But no-one does.

Not even my closest friends: Addison and

Sam.

What's the

Point?

Why do

I do this?

EVERY

SINGLE

DAY!

The storage room that was once filled with some of my best moments, now filled with black.

Nothing else.

Just

Black.

That was the last colour I saw as I let it take me away from this cruel world.