Everything I Wanted | Billie Eilish

Chapter 10 - Billie

tw: smut!

I feel so much better now that I have told her the truth.

We go back to the car to change into our dry clothes and grab the extra blanket I keep in the trunk of my car, returning to lay on the beach.

We lay side by side, staring up at the night sky, and talk for what feels like hours about my career and how it started, listening to my music, and going over all of the details of my life that I had been keeping from her.

She has a lot of questions and I don't blame her.

I have fun answering them. It's like I finally am getting to share my truth with her, and it feels so amazing. Normally, I like to preach that I am unapologetically myself. Which I'd say is true for the most part. I am not one to really hide who I am around anyone, but when it comes to my feelings, these deep emotional feelings for her that I have never really felt before, I haven't been true to my motto with her.

Until now I guess.

And I am so relieved to be able to share myself with her. It's like the weight of the world has been lifted off of my shoulders.

I run my hand through the soft, dry sand next to me as she talks my ear off.

"So basically," she starts, recapping everything I just told her as ocean eyes plays softly again through the speakers of her iPhone, "You and Finneas have been writing music since you were super little and one day your dance teacher asked you to put together a song for a contemporary lyrical piece and Finn had written this song that he had decided he really wanted you to sing, so he had you sing it and was amazed by how angelic you sounded, so you guys recorded it, and he produced it and put it on Soundcloud for your teacher–"

I laugh, interrupting her, "Stop calling my voice angelic." I say with a roll of my eyes.

She ignores me and keeps going, "And then one day when you were at Starbucks in between dance classes, Finneas called you saying that it had 1000 listens and you were so happy and thought you had made it, but didn't think much of it, but then it blew up and now you've written and released an EP and several singles and performed all over the world and now you guys are working on your debut album?" she rambles. 

"Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it up." I say, dropping the handful of sand I had collected and watching it cascade through my fingers. 

"And you make all of your music in Finn's bedroom?" she asks, still sounding shocked.

"Yup." I say.

She turns to her side and looks at me, shocked.

"Pretty crazy right?" I say, glancing over at her and then back up at the night sky, wishing I could see the stars through the LA smog and light pollution.

"So this is why you're homeschooled?" she asks, after a moment and I turn to my side so I can look at her too.

"I mean partially." I say propping my head up with my elbow, "Our parents also just really believed in homeschooling us. They wanted us to learn what we were interested in and really grow into ourselves and find our passions...and hey, I guess it worked out..."

She nods, "Billie that is so cool." She says enthusiastically "Your life is insane."

"It really is..." I say nervously.

And that is exactly why I got so scared about sharing it with her or anyone I grow close to. I am terrified of the thought that they might be scared away or that they might stay in my life for the wrong reasons once they find out who I am.