Of Redemption and Regrets

Part 2

“Addy… Addy please open up… let me explain” Toby said for the nth time outside Addy’s apartment

“Just hear me out please” Toby said with pleading voice

“I didn’t know that she’s going to come, I—please Addy, I’m so sorry” he pleaded, his voice already cracking

Addy finally opened the door slowly, Toby knows from the look of her puffy red eyes that she has been crying for a while, he quickly grabs her arm and pulled her body to his, hugging her tight, Addy was unresponsive to his touch, she brought her hands to his chest and pushed him away

“you should go home, I don’t want you here… you’ve been banging my door for an hour now and it’s getting really annoying” Addy said without looking into his eyes, she’s afraid that if she looks into his blue eyes, she might give in and she wouldn’t be able to do what is needed to be done but most of all she didn’t want to see him hurt, she didn’t want to cause him pain. Not now, not ever.

“please don’t do this… last night—” Toby said his tears threatening to fall, his hand refuse to let go of her

“was a mistake, last night was a mistake.” Addy said finishing his sentence

Toby’s expression was full of hurt and shock, he couldn’t bear the thought that Addy regretted what they did last night; the first real thing that ever happened between them

“it was anything but a mistake, we both know that… Addy—look me in the eyes and say that you regret it, that it meant nothing to you” Toby said tears falling down on his cheek as his hands squeeze hers

Addy looks up and meets his eyes, but she immediately regrets it, she couldn’t bear to see him like this, but she knows that what they did was wrong and that they shouldn’t continue whatever it is between them, even if it breaks her heart to do it, she’ll do the right thing

“it meant nothing to me and I know it meant nothing to you too, you were upset and I know you only used me to forget her” She knew it’s a lie but she have to push him away, she have to put a distance between them or else people will get hurt

“that is not true” Toby’s eyes widened, how can she ever think that of him, he thought

“I love you!  Can’t you see that?” Toby said as he caressed her cheek, he can see her face soften in a split second but it hardens again as she speaks

“you don’t know what you’re saying, you’re confused and hurt. I’m sorry I—shouldn’t have taken advantage of your emotions. I don’t want to hurt you Toby—“ Addy said her voice cracking and barely audible

“you’re hurting me now!” Toby said gasping as he speak

“Addy—does my feelings not matter to you? I—broke up with Tara because I was in love with you… all these months I tried to hide it so no one would get hurt… but I realized that I wasn’t being fair to Tara, even when I’m with her all I think about is you, I ended it because I don’t want to fake something that I don’t feel, I don’t want to pretend that my love for her is real. I love you… I chose you” Toby said his voice loud and clear, hoping that he’ll convince Addy