The Farm Girl

Two

...skin them of course!"

Disgruntled, outraged cries erupt from the dwarves. Bilbo grinds his teeth and tries not to make his eyeroll so obvious to the trolls. The dwarves, still hurling insults at him, can't bloody well see what he's trying to do, can they? Bilbo Baggins has never been so frustrated in his life. Dwalin curses him from the spit with angry pointing while Gloin tries to wriggle towards him. There are shouts of "traitor!" and it's all Bilbo can do stay focused on his task.

"What a load o' rubbish!" one of the trolls protests. "I've eaten plenty with their skins on! Scarf 'em all with boots still on!" Out of the corner of his eye Bilbo sees a grey shadow flit across the beginnings of the sunrise behind the giant boulder at the edge of camp. He tries not to turn his head as the grey robe and staff duck behind a bush and out of sight.

"He's right," Snot-Nose cackles. With one meaty fist he picks Bombur up by his feet. "Nothing wrong with a bit or raw dwarf." He dangles Bombur over his hideous maw, Bombur's long red beard almost hitting the trolls couple remaining teeth. "Nice and crunchy!" he cackles, tongue reaching upwards ready to consume the wriggling dwarf.

Neither has Bilbo ever been so quick with his words. "No, not, that one. He's infected!"

"He wot?!" the troll at the spit asks, eyes crossing in confusion.

Snot-Nose and Bombur both turn to look at Bilbo with wide eyes. The similarity in their expressions would be comical if not for the predicament they are currently in. "Yes, yes, he's got worms... in his... tubes!" Bilbo says, fumbling over words. With a yelp of protest, the Snot-faced troll throws Bombur away who lands with a thud on top of Oin, Kili and Fili, eliciting grunts of pain at the weight.

"In fact they're all infected, infested with parasites," Bilbo adds quickly. "It's a terrible business I won't risk it if I were you., I really wouldn't."

"For goodness sakes, did he say parasites?" Oin demands.

"Parasites?" Kili cries in indignation, "We don't have parasites, you have parasites." The rest of the dwarves join in, hollering at Bilbo while he tries very hard not to curse them and their stupidity. A sigh and a partial eye roll are all he allows himself.

He catches a glimpse of realization in Thorin's eyes. There is a swift kick and Thorin doesn't even look at the rest of the dwarves lying on the ground. It goes quiet for a moment while they all look at each other.

Oin and Kili look at Thorin, then at Bilbo.

Almost hesitantly Oin says, "I've got parasites as big as my arm."

"Mine are the biggest parasites you've ever seen! I've got huge parasites!" Kili adds and suddenly all the dwarves are hollering about their parasitic infestations. Ori and Dori on the spit holler, "We're riddles, yes riddled," as the rest join in. Finally, Bilbo thinks to himself.

"What would have us do then?" The flat-faced troll asks Bilbo, stalking over to him. "Let 'em all go?"

"Well...," Bilbo trails off.

"You think, I don' know what you're up to?" the troll yells at Bilbo, one big finger jabbing into the small hobbit's chest. "This ferret 'ere is takin' us for fools!"

"Ferret?" Bilbo splutters indignantly.

"Fools?" the cook asks.

"THE DAWN WILL TAKE YOU ALL!" Gandalf appears up on top of the boulder, silhouetted in the pre-dawn light.

The dwarves and Bilbo look up with hopeful faces.

"Who's that?" Flat-face asks.

"No idea," says the cook troll.