Seen

Three

The car came to a screeching halt, rattling me back into consciousness.

I reached up to rub my eyes, but then remembered the hours worth of eye shadow sitting on my eyelids.

A blaring horn sounded, beeping once, twice and then at least another four times in quick succession. 

"Stupid! A*hole," My mum shouted, rolling down the car window like her life depended on it, "the lights green! Meaning I go. You stay. What's wrong with you? Blithering idiot!"

"Calm down mum," I murmured.

My mum looked back at me through the rearview mirror and sighed, giving me a faint smile.

"Sorry, honey," she said, "just one more thing."

And with that, I saw my mother stick her middle finger out of the window and shout something extremely unintelligible at the top of her voice before pressing the button to bring the window back up.

I bit back a smile. It's not often my mother gets mad at people on the road, but when she does, she goes full-on T-rex.

"So," my mother asked, as we started moving again, "how are you feeling?"

"Fne."

What I meant to say was 'terrified, scared, worried, lonely, afraid...' pretty much everything that fits under that particular umbrella, but, I didn't want to worry anyone.

It's hard enough having to start a new school, but going to a boarding school is even harder.

I entered for the scholarship, thinking I would never get it. I thought that getting into my dream school would be impossible. Since year seven, I have wanted to leave Moorfield High. To actually be the new girl instead of being asked if I was one. To have new people who I could be friends with, people like me, who tried hard, and loved to read classic novels and sing songs that may or may not  be considered old. I just wanted to leave the world where nobody saw me behind.

But now that I'm here, rolling through the school gates, I feel the urge to turn around and go back to the world I so desperately wanted to escape. At least I was safe there. I knew people would never notice me, so when they couldn't remember my name it didn't sting anymore, well, not as much.

I didn't really pay attention to the fact that I was going to be boarding when I sent in my application and essay. I relished in the thought of being free, being able to start again and so I, of course, forgot about the fine print.

I'm scared.

Scared, to be without Tiffany and my mum, they're the only ones who make me feel seen, not just a blur in the hallway. I'm afraid that Blateswell will be just like Moorfield, or worse. Worried that my roommates will hate me, and I won't be able to keep up with everyone academically. I'm basically afraid of everything there is to be afraid of when going to a new school. A boarding school.

My thoughts and I bought a battle inside my head as my mum pulled up into the school car park, neither of us won.

"Okay," my mum said, turning on the hand brake, once we were parked. "Are you ready?"

I nodded.

Then shook my head.

Then did a weird mixture of both.

"It'll be fine, honey. And if you hate it here that much you can come back home and finish the rest of the school year back at Moorfield, okay?"

I smiled, she had no idea how much I dreaded that.