Dark Crystal One-Shots

Cooking With Kylan

  Developed from a beautiful short story created by me and @uglywormo

  Kylan had gathered a small group of Spriton Gelfling in his home. His cooking lessons had been suggested by Maudra Mera, after half the town had gotten food poisoning from the last feast. Maudra Mera sat at the back, observing.
  "Right. Um. Okay. Hi." He said. "I think we should start with something simple. Like, uh, thistlefruit rolls."
  He passed two of the spiky fruits to each Gelfling, as well as other ingredients.
  "Do we need bowls? Jugs?" A gray-haired Gelfling asked.
  "Yes, uh, one minute-" He fumbled around in the cupboards behind him.
  As he spun around, clutching small wooden bowls, the door burst open.

  "Clear the tables!" Naia demanded, marching in.
  "Naia-" With one simple sweep of her arm, Kylan's supplies clattered to the floor, leaving the table bare. He sighed.
  "Who is this?" Maudra Mera demanded, standing from her seat.
  "Naia of The Sog." The Drenchen replied.
  "Oh yes. You're the one who led Kylan on his wild goose chase." Maudra Mera said simply.
  "I didn't-" Kylan elbowed Naia before she could do more harm.
  "Why is a Drenchen barging into a Spriton gathering?" The Maudra pushed.
  "She is my friend, Maudra." Kylan answered for her.
  "I brought the food. The meat." Naia said.
  "Naia, I said we were-" The Drenchen disappeared through the door again. Her quiet grunts intrigued Kylan. He slid out the door and let out a groan.
  "What did you do?!" Kylan cried.
  Naia turned her head away from the dead Gourmand.
  "I... uh... I brought the meat!" She grinned uncertainly. Kylan shook his head.
  "You expect me to cook that?" He asked her, astonished.
  "What else are we meant to do with it?" She replied simply.
  "Naia, that's..." Kylan searched for words.
  "Going to make the best roast ever?" She finished, grinning ruefully.
  "How did you even kill it?" He pushed.
  "Well. It was in a weakened state, alone in the woods, in immense pain... I just put it out of its misery!" Naia explained. "Come on, help me get it inside."

  Maudra Mera's gasp was almost comical as Kylan and Naia heaved the dead skekSis onto the table.
  "What on Thra do you think you're doing?!" She demanded.
  "Tell me, do you enjoy cooked Ruffnaw?" Naia asked calmly.
  "I... yes, but that does not-"
  "It will taste the same." She raised her knife and began to cut away the Gourmand's fancy clothes.
  "Stop it! I command you to stop!" Maudra Mera cried. "Kylan, stop her!"
  "It's Naia. I can't stop her." He replied. "I'm sure it will taste good." The Gelfling calmed slightly, but her brows were still wrinkled with stress.
  "I need to sit down." She said with a wave of her hand. Naia tore away the last of the thick fabric and looked to Kylan.
  "I need to skin and gut it. It won't be pretty." She warned. "If you're squeamish, look away or leave."
  About 7 of the Gelfling rushed from the room, one dragging a young childling by her wrist.
 
  Kylan winced as Naia's dagger pierced the purple skin. When she slit the skekSis's belly open and began to rummage around inside he covered his mouth and tried not to gag.
 

  Once Naia had finished the gruesome task she called the others back in. She cut of a mediocre sized amount of meat for each Gelfling and dropped it onto their table with a thud.
  "Naia, I still think this is a bit... ingelfmane." Kylan murmured to her, grabbing things from the cupboards.
  "Do you remember what I told you right before we entered The Dark Wood?" She asked him.
  "No? Wait, yes, wasn't it something like alw-"
  "Always trust a Drenchen's gut." Naia finished, nodding. She punched his arm and cracked a grin. "Live a little, Songteller."
  "If you wish, skekSis killer." He turned to the Spritons at their tables.
  "Okay, first of all, we have to prepare the meat."

  The roast was magnificent. The meat was tender and succulent, just how Gelfling like it. There was a lot too go around the small gathering, and each Gelfling turned up, ate one of the best meals of their life, and returned to bed, dizzy with happiness and a full belly.
  There was one problem. They only had half a skekSis left, and that wouldn't last long at all. Just like the skekSis craved Gelfling essence, the Gelfling desired roast skekSis.
  Perhaps they could gain more? It would be difficult, but not impossible.

  Three trine later, there are only four skekSis left. The Heretic was placed off limits by Brea and Deet, and three of the main council managed to escape with their regretful lives.

  And so, the skekSis were defeated by the Gelfling. They got over their craving fairly quickly once the option was gone. Although the dined like Maudras for three solid trine, they returned to their humble eating patterns and meals.

  And that is how the great lords of the Crystal fell to the meek Gelfling.

My mind was spiraling when I wrote this so ignore my very very strange ending :)))