pretty when she cries ; fitz

chapter seven

amalie made the executive decision that she did not want to leave her room. glen brought up two bowls of heaven, annie's mac n cheese (the purple box) with two gold spoons stuck inside the mountains of pasta of each.

"hungover?" he asked, sitting on the edge of amalie's bed.

"not in the slightest." amalie rolled her covers down as she pressed her back against the headboard.

"you got the gut of steel from your parents then. lucky you." glen set the bowl on amalie's lap.

she didn't hesitate to take a large bite from the spoon. this made glen's chest light; he was happy she was eating.

"how are you doing...with all of this?" amalie said between mouthfuls.

"i'm okay. i try to keep it out of my mind, but it's difficult. i always go to call or text them and i forget that i can't." glen zoned out onto the white covers, playing with the end of his spoon. "i think this was so unexpected that it hasn't sunk in yet."

amalie agreed, taking a break from chowing. this was the first time she tried to talk about the situation out loud.

"i just feel empty." amalie stated, her olive eyes growing dark and dull. "i don't know what to do with myself."

"i mean, you had fun last night, didn't you?"

"got my mind off things temporarily."

"well then, there you go! i've picked up a lot of more jobs and other projects to facilitate. like i said last night if you can recall, just try and keep yourself moving."

"i just feel so out of place. it's like i have this huge secret. and it's eating at me--"

"obviously you're not going to just talk about it to anyone that'll give you their ear, ams."

"the thing is. coming here, i needed to get away for a while. you know that. but i meant what i said. this is like starting over from square one. i don't know what to do with myself."

"you can do anything you want to."

"hear me out. i've never let myself experience anything because i was always so caught up with doing well at school and playing soccer. i don't know what to do without that. i don't know who i am without that."

"it's never too late to discover more about yourself." glen was always a positive source of energy. "there's a school a few blocks from here, you can always take my car and go use their nets."

he was right, but amalie didn't know what to do with his advice.

"the other thing i wanted to tell you. i know it's only been a few days since you've been here, but i got offered some work over in milan. you're welcome to come with if you'd like, or you can stay here. i trust you."

"thank you for the offer, but i know you're going to be busy the entire time...i don't want to weigh you down...so i'll stay here." amalie smiled.

"that's totally fine. you can invite people over if you want, this is our house now. so you can go right ahead."

"when are you going?"

"plane leaves the morning after tomorrow. i'll be gone for just about a week,"

amalie nodded. her stomach rumbled with satisfaction. she debated on telling her sweet uncle about cam, and how her judgement failed her. she decided to keep her mouth closed and deal with it on her own.

"i'll leave you some money," glen stated but amalie started to protest. he shut her down. "you haven't switched currencies yet. it's really no problem."

"thank you..." amalie felt her chest tighten, staring at the male version of her mom. she looked down and scrunched her face together, letting out a silent cry. 

glen scooted over closer to amalie, tears brimming his eyes--something he was trying to avoid. he took the bowl from her loose grip and set it on the night stand. 

when he heard the news, he didn't know how to handle it. the first thing he did was smoke up the rest of his purple kush--a strain of indica. 

it was like watching a baby rabbit, the way her nostrils flared as every sob pushed out. she was hunched over, not even bothering to cover her face. droplets formed in the corners of her olive eyes, wetting her upturned eyelashes. with every blink, more seemed to fly down her soft cheeks. 

she started to hiccup for air, her chest pulsing and her stomach sucked in toward her ribs. 

glen cried.

he cried with her. they've both lost so much. now they only have each other in the world. he cried for her. 

her pain made his even worse, but they were still blubbering messes nonetheless. 

taking a deep breath, he left the room for a moment. he walked straight into his room and opened his special desk drawer, grabbing a full cart. he shut it with his thigh, and grabbed the pen from the charger next to his old computer. 

returning to the room, his heart broke again. amalie had laid down, her eyes swollen and the apples of her cheeks colored bright pink from the meltdown. 

taking a long hit, he held it out to her.

at first, she just stared at it. as much as she could, anyway, for her eyes were almost shut. 

she rubbed her nose with her sleeve and finally took it from him. 

"you have the coolest uncle." glen's voice was weak but his intention was lighthearted. 

she nodded, biting back a smile as she stuck the pen between her lips. 

"you can have it, for now...it's just the sleepy stuff." he itched the back of his neck. he was never good at calming his emotions, nevertheless other people's. especially his little niece's. 

this would just have to do. 

she smiled at him, softly, but it never reached her eyes. 

her happiness was obvious to those who cared for her. they were cast under her spell, tracking the movement of her wand as her wrists rotated it through the air. when she smiled (and meant it) a sensation of delight engulfed the other person, and glen didn't feel that. her cheerfulness was contagious like a virus spreading exponentially.

he nodded, leaving her alone. he retreated into the garage, flicking on the light switch and pressing the power button to his radio. he twist the volume as far high as it could go. the music, songs he didn't even know, blared any remaining thought in his head far away. 

she twiddled with the pot stick in her fingers, flipping it over and around. she contemplated before taking another hit. and another. and another.

her vison was soon hazy, blurry. her eyes felt slow moving but the world was spinning fast around her. it was like she was running a race while she sat still in bed. except this was a race she knew she couldn't win. the race of keeping her eyes open.

her head fell back, hitting the headboard. her body drooped down into what normally was considered an uncomfortable position. her neck was bent, her head now leaning against her pillows. 

the brunette's eyelids rolled shut, her lips parting a small 'o'. 

small breaths left through her mouth that then turned into even smaller snores.

she wanted to feel like this forever.

she wanted to feel like nothing.  

she wanted to feel nothing.