Achingly Sweet, Hauntingly Beautiful

The Haunting of the Butterflies 🦋

"I don't know what to do Finn, I'm crazy about her!" Rey heard the deep tones of Ben's voice coming out of the Rebel base conference room as she was passing by, following the blue butterfly down the hall. She stopped dead in her tracks, beaming happily, knowing that he was talking about HER.

"Why don't you just TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL," she heard Finn reply, before stopping suddenly, as a clattering, banging crash rang out. Rey was just in time to see the cause of this sudden interruption; it was an eager young intern, balancing an overladen tray in one hand while attempting to open the conference room door in the other. Overestimating either his strength or his balancing abilities, he fumbled and dropped both the tray and it's edible contents all over the entrance of the room in a glorious, noisy mess, effectively putting an end to the too interesting conversation Rey had inadvertently been witness too. The blue butterfly, startled, flew up and out of sight.

As Finn calmly walked over and began helping the intern, Rey caught Ben's eye as he stood, surprised, inside the room. His face lit up when he saw her. He then hurried over to her side, smiling down at her in greeting.

As they slowly began sauntering down the hallway together, the back of Ben's hand brushed gently against hers. Smiling roguishly, Rey intwined her small fingers around his large ones, and looking up at him, coyly asked him, "would you like to kiss me?"

Ben gasped softly, and stared at her just for a moment; the next instant, his lips were upon hers, and they were sweetly, joyfully kissing. The blue butterfly landed gently on Ben's cheek.

And then she woke up.

...

Rey sat up in bed, in the dark still night. The truth slowly washed over her, a bitterly cold wave of hurt and rage. It was only one week after the battle on Exegol.... she had been "back" at Rebel base for four days now. Bitterly, painfully she remembered, Ben was... gone. She'd been dreaming of him every time she'd closed her eyes since that day. The dream! It was so very achingly sweet.... so hauntingly, beautifully real. What they both could have had. She shivered, grief rendering her nauseous.

How deeply she HATED the Jedi now. She felt the force building up, sizzling inside her and prickling across her skin, as her hair crackled and twirled around her in an electric frenzy. "Not yet," she told herself, forcing the anger and pain back down inside her. Not yet.

You see, she had died that day on Exegol too. When the Jedi ghosts left her and Ben to fight against Palpatine alone, when they allowed Ben to be thrown down into the pit, when they refused to help either of them, to bring each other back with the force. When the Jedi utterly abandoned them both...

Why did that surprise her? She asked herself that question over and over. After all, they had abandoned Ben his whole life! Ever since he was in his mother's womb they allowed him to be mentally tortured by the Sith without a care. Rey didn't believe for a moment that the Jedi couldn't have appeared to him for guidance. At least his own, living uncle! Ben's lifelong search for his grandfather opened up his mind to the evil ones who manipulated and warped him, until he almost lost himself. His parents gave up on him, his uncle betrayed him, his grandfather never appeared to guide him.

Yet, Anakin Skywalker had appeared to HER, only at the moment of destroying Palpatine. Luke guided HER, only when it was worth his while. Leia put trust in HER, apparently giving up on her son.

The Jedi didn't care about Rey or Ben any more than the Sith did; each only wanted to fulfill their own selfish purpose, would only use you as long as it was convenient for them, and then leave you alone to die.

Rey was no longer the same innocent, hopeful, starry eyed girl, and she knew it. She recalled the first few hazy days after Ben's passing. Her animalistic screams of tortured rage, her bouts of hysteric crying, and the dark periods where she blacked out, dreaming of nothing but a caged blue butterfly, ripping and tearing its wings against the cage as it desperately tried to escape. She remembered her begging and pleading out for the Jedi to come and help her, to bring Ben back, to restore the other half of her soul; but there was no sound, no word, they had abandoned her alone, sobbing, and clutching Ben's sweater to her chest.