When Heaven Calls

The Cost of Wings

Sam slid closer to the bed, Dean was in this same moment, when I was in a coma. Two years ago Dean was willing to deceive me to keep me alive, now he's willing to give Cas a choice. How things have changed. He placed his hand over Cas's and closed his eyes. "Castiel, I hope you can hear me. Thank you. Thank you for bringing Dean back from Hell and me from the Cage. Thank you for fighting with us even though it cost you your home and so much more. Hannah showed us what being an angel truly means and I, we, have no right to ask more of you than you have already done. You've tried to protect humans for, well, forever as far as I can tell.  Most of all though, thank you for caring so much for us that you have killed your brothers so you could survive and help us. I can't imagine how that must have felt, I just can't. Which brings me to the part you won't want to hear and I don't want to say." He knew what it was that Hannah had eluded to, that Dean would rather be killed than saved if he went demon again. He had tried to prepare himself for that but no matter how often he'd told himself that it was a possibilty he kept pushing it away, not wanting to face it. 

Now, as he looked at Castiel, he realized that this job would be one he would have to do alone. He didn't want Cas to come back merely to serve as an executioner, he deserved much more than that if he chose to come back and fight. "Castiel, Dean, if..." tears of helpless fear welled up in his eyes. "I will take care of it. You've killed too many angels already to save us. If you want to rest and not take another Grace I understand. Make your choice for your own reasons and not based on what we need. Please." He opened his eyes and looked at Cas's face, hoping for some sort of sign that Cas had heard. Even though nothing physically changed, something deep down told him that Cas had. 

After Dean had slammed the door and stormed down the hall back into the common room, futile frustration surging through him he caught sight of Cas's bloodied coat and shirt laying on the floor and stopped. Cas, god damn it. Why? it's not like you don't know all our numbers and where we live for fuck's sake. Why did you have to learn all the wrong damn things from me? Who am I kidding? You've been a stubborn martyr way before I was a twinkle in anyone's eyes from what Hannah hinted at. Maybe that's why we get along so well. Two self sacrificing idiots who never learn no matter how often we're punished for it. He exhaled sharply and tried to get a handle on his emotions. The Mark was making it harder and harder to pull back from anything that would push him into a fight. He crossed the floor, picked up the bloodied clothes and took them to the laundry room that was tucked into a corner of the Bunker. Least I can do, if you come back you won't have to clean these for the millionth time. For as close to human as you are you'd think you'd want to wear something different every now and then. He tossed them into the washer, added some soap, closed the lid and started the machine.

Robbed of a task to take his mind from what was happening the sorrow that his anger had held at bay took hold. He sank down into the nearest chair and buried his face in his hands. "Cas, Castiel, Hannah knew, she was right. Hell, you probably knew the minute you told me to take a vacation when I came back from demon land. I won't be that again. I wanted to ask you, no, beg you, to finish me off if that happened. I can't make Sam do that, not after everything, but now, after what Hannah showed us, I don't know if I have the right to ask that of you. You never explained and I never asked, I'm good at that, not asking and we're both way too good at not explaining. You've done more for us than anyone has, except Bobby. Sure, we've had our issues, but when the chips were down, you came through and you really had no reason to. Remember when you told me there was a bigger picture? I guess I never realized how big of a picture you were looking at.  Look, you know me, you know how I am about people I care about giving up but, well, these days I can kind of see the point. You choose, but all I ask is that you tell me before you go. Tell me this is what you want. Don't be like Dad and just leave, please. I can't, I just. Please Cas." He rubbed his hands over his face as he shoved the sorrow back down, "You haven't chosen yet, enough time for all that emotional crap later. Cas? If I just did your laundry for nothing because you decide not to come back, I'm going to be pissed. Got it?"  

He looked around the room, nothing happened to give him any idea Cas had heard him. "Angels, they can be such dicks."  As he left the laundry room and headed back down the hall a small sense of peace drifted through him. Cas?

Sam? Dean? You're letting me choose? He'd heard both of the brother's prayers as soon as they said them and what they had chosen to say was the last thing he ever expected to hear. I will have to thank Hannah for what she did. I should have thought of that years ago. Father was still staring at him. "I see your point Father. At least where I am concerned, but you made me this way did you not?"

Father let go of his shoulders and pulled away, "I crafted you to choose protecting the Winchester line above all else, yes. How you chose to do that however was left up to you." 

"Why are you here Father? Why are you offering me these choices? I am hardly worthy of special treatment." 

"Oh Castiel," Father shook his head, "You have been one of my most loyal angels. Can you not see that? Even after you lost faith that I cared for you, you still tried to save Heaven, protect humans and save the Winchesters at the same time. How is that not worthy of special treatment?" 

Denial warred with confusion, "No, I destroyed..." 

"That was Metatron!"  Divine anger crackled around him, "Not you, he was the one who schemed and lied, you merely trusted the wrong angel. How were you to know my trusted scribe was so twisted?" 

"Dean knew.."  

"Yes, well Dean's experiences outweighed your years and Naomi's reprogramming," Divine anger shifted to disgust and something close to hatred, "hindered you." Father paused, gentled his voice again and the sense of impending divine wrath faded, "Castiel, you have earned this. You helped stopped Lucifer rising, saving billions of humans in the process. You showed my children that there can be a way to function without orders, whether or not they choose to do so remains to be seen. You reopened the gates to Heaven after Metatron closed them and in doing so opened the eyes of the angels to his deceptions. While you were human you learned to appreciate just what wondrous creations they are, how their flaws are their strengths and you tried to show others that as well. None of these things is a betrayal of me. In point of fact, you've come to embody what I wish all of my children could be." 

Father's words robbed him of the ability to speak or even think. He had lost faith, turned his back on Father only to be told he had become something that Father cherished. 

"No, you did not turn your back on me Castiel, You just no longer needed me, or anyone, to survive and do what was right." Father smiled, for some reason he'd chosen to have a beard and short hair. The rest of his body was shrouded in streaming white light, "It's very human you know, you grew up. Most angels don't have the capacity to do so." 

"Well I am well past the age most humans do that." He had no idea where that thought had come from. 

"Indeed. It is time Castiel, you're fading quickly. What do you choose?"