When Heaven Calls

Family Doesn't End With Humans -end

"Are you all right?" He asked. Sam and Dean sat, mouths agape and from what he could tell, minds completely blank as they stared at him. It took a few seconds but they slowly nodded in answer to his question. Sam finally blinked rapidly, trying to collect his thoughts but Dean seemed incapable of even that simple motion. 

"Castiel?" Sam whispered, "We've been so disrespectful."

Sam could barely meet his eyes. Dean looked into his face once then quickly looked away, still at a loss for words. This was not what he'd expected. As far as he knew other than the random prophet or two, no human had ever seen what an angel truly was since it tended to destroy humans. Perhaps all the trips to Heaven, Hell, Purgatory and back had made the Winchesters somewhat immune or angels had simply never realized that a reflection of themselves would not be as devastating to a human. He'd felt that since the brothers had spent their entire lives dealing with things that were not human, they would not be as affected. 

"Sam? Dean? I am still the same being, nothing has changed." 

Dean finally found his voice, "I remember now, when you pulled me from Hell. I guess I blacked it out or maybe you did. When I first saw you, the fear," he shuddered and rubbed the Mark. That motion had seemed to become almost instinctive with him now, "I was on my way to becoming a demon and the sight of you, all righteous and blasting every demon you saw apart, I tried to run but you grabbed me and the fear was gone. It was like I knew that you wouldn't hurt me. I didn't know why. What God said, about you being programmed to protect us? Do you think maybe somehow we knew that too?" 

"Perhaps. I didn't block your memory of that event Dean, you must have. Why are you afraid to look at me now?" 

Dean's eyes slowly rose to meet his, Castiel didn't see fear, far from it. What he did see sickened him. He didn't want this. 

"What Sam said. All these years, all the crap we've given you, all the crap I've given you. We didn't understand what you are, not really." 

They'd never called him a what before, it hurt. He sat on the floor, hoping if they didn't have to raise their eyes to look at him they'd make eye contact. "Dean, I am still Cas, just because you've seen me in a different form doesn't change that. You've spent your life fighting things that are not human. Why do you view me so differently now?" 

"Werewolves are still people," Sam said, "Or were, same with vampires and ghosts. When I was hopped up on demon blood I saw what demons looked like but.."

"They look nothing like you Castiel," Dean interrupted, "Not by a longshot. They just look like really ugly people." 

"But whether I have wings or a trenchcoat, I am still me? Aren't I?" He wasn't so much confused as he was trying to stay rational and not give in to the panic he was feeling. Had he ruined things between he and the brothers by doing this? Would it had been better to stay human? He'd been so overjoyed at getting his Grace and his wings back, Father's forgiveness of him and their willingness to respect his choice that he somehow wanted to show that joy to Sam and Dean, as a way to thank them. Beyond that though, Father's comment that he had grown up and Hannah's decision to share a small part of what it means to be angel with them triggered a feeling deep within him. He wanted them to know, to see, to understand everything about him. He knew them so intimately, heard their thoughts, felt their emotions, watched over them but they knew so little about him and there was no way for him to explain with words. 

"Yes and no," Sam answered. 

His heart dropped, "I see," He stood up, "Should I leave then? I did not want to make you fear me, that was not my intent at all. I have been feared by humans for far too long as it is."