The Thunder in My Heart

'I've lost everyone...'

'I want to cook,' announced Harry.

Healer Huws had spent the afternoon with him and he looked physically drained. The shadows of the long winter evening paling his face and darkening circles around his eyes.

Draco was worried, he was sitting on the edge of Harry's bed and for the first time since they had come back to Hogwarts, Draco felt like he's seen a glimpse of the true Harry. Not the rebellious, free Harry with the tight jeans and smudged eyeliner and the god-damn sexy bed-hair, nor the caring, giving Harry who talked to Aurors and first years alike, but the broken Harry who needed someone to care for him and look after him, the Harry who had finally shown there was a problem behind the façade. Only here he was again, pushing it all away and trying to carry on like everything was fine and like he hadn't spent the afternoon crying, first with his therapist, and then with Draco as he recounted what they discussed about Peter Pettigrew, the first discovery of his betrayal of Harry's parents and that afternoon in the graveyard at the end of the Triwizard Tournament and Wormtail's part in Cedric Diggory's death and the resurrection ceremony, then the encounter at the manor, and finally Hermione finding this link to him.

Harry pushed himself up off his bed and swung himself around so he was sitting next to Draco.

'I fancy a steak with mushroom sauce,' he said.

'Harry,' Draco took his hand. 'I don't think you should, we'll get Motsy to bring something up from the kitchens. You need to rest.'

'It helps me relax, I feel too wound up.'

'It's emotional deflection, Harry. You're not dealing with what you've been through, what you're going through.'

'I'm hungry and I want to cook. I want to cook for you too. A special meal, to say thank you for being here, for understanding, for listening.' He stood up, pulling Draco to his feet too. 'We can bring it back here, so it's just the two of us, I can transfigure the desk into a nicer table, so it's a bit more intimate.'

'Harry, will you stop! This isn't going to be some fucking date night pretending everything is fine.'

Draco had tugged on Harry's hand, pulling him around so they were facing each other and Harry looked rather taken aback.

'I need this,' he whispered. 'I need to pretend everything is okay. If I don't then my world will crumble and I don't know what I'll do with myself. I know it's not alright, I'm dealing with it. Healer Huws has set me up with the cognitive therapy exercises again which I'd let slip. It's going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. I just need to establish a bit of normality too.'

'That's fine, Harry, it's good. But you don't need to do it today,' Draco urged him gently.

'I do though. If I don't, its yet another thing that I'm putting off until "I'm well". I don't want to keep pushing everything away,' Harry ran a finger softly down Draco's cheek and neck, stopping at the neck of his jumper and Draco's breath hitched. 'To keep pushing everyone away.'

'I'm not asking you to push me away,' Draco's replied, somewhat huskily after the intimacy of Harry's gesture. 'That's the last thing I'm asking, Harry. I want to help you, be here for you. I'm going to help you, no matter what.'

'But you want more too?' Harry questioned softly.

'You know that. A little bit of me just keeps thinking we can work the other stuff out as we go along.'

'I can't do that, Dray. I can't give myself to you until I'm certain I won't be a burden.'

They were stood so very close together and as Draco stared into Harry's expressive green eyes he suddenly understood why Harry had been so hesitant about making a move and concreting this tenuous situation between them.