The Story That Broke Me

It all started near Valentine's Day. My friend, who I've been friends with for nearly a year, introduced me to her friend. Let's call her Ashley. Ashley, at first, was everything I wanted in a girl. She was beautiful, funny, and just overall really sweet to talk to. I knew from the second I talked to her I fell in love. But... the first day I talked to her, is probably the worst decision I made. I fell in love with her. I know now that I probably shouldn't have. Things started going smoothly, and we talked more and more, fell asleep together nearly every night on the phone and even just stared at eachother and laughed. She meant everything to me. She said I was everything that she wanted in a guy. It made me so happy hearing those words that I started to cry. I've never really gotten any affection from a girl in my life, so it really changed me. As soon as we started telling eachother how we felt, it got better! We started calling more, staying up late, and planning things we'd do when we visited eachother. Going to prom, surprising eachother... It was amazing. Everything about her was simply heaven. I wanted to do everything with her. Having my first kiss, wrapped up in her arms, and us just holding eachother as we fell asleep sent me into a world like no other. We sent eachother houses that we'd enjoy living in, places we wanted to go... but, as you can see, those were all "dreams", things that could happen, but they never did. I always thought of ways to make the relationship work, but I never knew how she felt. And then she told me... she asked me one night, "What are we?", and I said, "You're basically my girlfriend. I love you. You mean the entire world to me, and I hope we could make it work. Maybe we were meant to be apart. That way when we see eachother, it'll be really special". When I said that, tears rolled down my face. Honestly, I wanted to be with her. I really did! But I didn't know if I could make it work. However, I was willing to try! And I hope she was too. We ended the night with silence... and the next day we barely spoke to eachother. The night after that, I finally told her what I wanted. I told her everything I felt, everything I wanted, and everything she meant to me. I told her that I wanted to make it all work! I would do everything I could. But... like all good things, it came to an end right after I said that. She said to me that it wouldn't work. Things were too complicated with her, and she "couldn't be away from me". I understood... but why did I do everything I could, only to receive the biggest pain and regret I've ever had? It seems it was like that from the very beginning. I was there for her for everything. I made time for her, but I always felt like I was the one doing everything. I felt lied to after all of that. And maybe that's why I can't, and still can't, get over it all of the way. She was my first actual love. And I wanted her to be special from everyone else. I tried everything I could. I did everything. But now, all I feel is insulted...