Remembering December

Chapter Seven

Christmas 2011

Age 17

Dawn was beginning to break over the skies and Sam and Adrian were already up and sitting beside each other on swings.

It was Adrian's attempt at being romantic and cliché and Sam loved how he put so much effort in keeping her happy. Over the past year, they had fallen into a comfortable relationship. It was the same as when they were friends except for the added flirting, hugging, and kissing.

Sam stared at blazing streaks of red, pink, and orange in the sky and wondered whether or not her father was happy, wherever he was. It was in quiet moments like these that thoughts of her father intruded her mind. She still missed him dearly since he was her father no matter what happened.

More recently though, she began wondering about the what ifs. Those torturous questions pelted her with pain.

What if he hadn't left? What if they hadn't fallen out of love? On some days, like today, those thoughts hit her harder than other days. There was no rhyme or reason for these days, well, at least she hadn't been able to discover a pattern yet.

"Hey, you okay?" Adrian asked.

"Yeah." She replied shortly.

Adrian knew very well that she wasn't okay but he didn't pry. Sometimes, Sam just needed time to recompose herself and think through whatever was eating at her.

Sam drifted off again but this time, her mind drew her back to two years ago, when Adrian had abruptly broken up with Claire. Usually, she just let it go, but other times, she couldn't let the thoughts stop nagging at her.

Today must have been a particularly bad day. Maybe it was the stress of the upcoming exams and university applications that was finally getting to her head. But the thought lay in her mind, gnawing away at her until she gave in to the mental war and the temptation of getting answers -something she had been missing of late.

"Why did you end up breaking up with Claire so randomly that time?" Sam asked.

Adrian smiled wryly, staring off into the nearby woods as if to be deep in thought, "I was wondering when you'd ask that. I bet you've been thinking about that for a long time now eh?" He asked in return, stalling for time. He flicked a look at Sam's blushing cheeks that gave away her answer.

"Well, while I was with Claire, about three months before we split, Billy made a comment that got me rethinking about my relationship with you. Something casual like, you and Sam don't talk as often do you now? And I realized how true his words were and how much I missed talking with you. I felt sad every time I thought about the distance between us and that was my first clue about uhhhh," He paused, seeming to have lost track of his own thoughts, he shook his head and restarted, "I mean, I was already super close with you right? So, well, uhhhh, I guess I had feelings for you without realizing it; I thought they were feelings of sibling love but when I began thinking about you as," He coughed and mumbled, his shyness returning full force, "pretty and kind -"

"Really? You thought that even before last year?" Sam asked with a shocked tone.

She regretted it immediately because she liked when they had long conversations. He was so shy that usually, they didn't talk much. Even though they were technically dating, they had much more to say when they were chatting through text or Facebook.

"Maybe." He muttered, ducking his head and refusing to make eye contact.

"Awwww man! I was torturing myself for so long wondering if you might possibly like me back." Sam blurted impulsively.