Sanders Sides One-shots

My fault - Roman Angst

Tw: Cursing and mention of suicide

Also, platonic prinxiety!

Uh- I don't usually write angst about suicide or topics like that, because... I just don't? But I wasn't feeling my best, so here we are!
Oh- uh- also, I didn't proof read this and I wrote it at 3 am so I'm a 100% sure it sucks and there are a lot of mistakes.

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Roman stared at himself in the mirror, he didn't feel mad or sad… He just felt tired, emotionally tired, he hated himself so damn much, he shouldn't have laughed at Janus' name… If he hadn't done that then maybe he could have avoided the painful comment Janus made afterward… But, maybe Janus was right, maybe Roman is evil, just like his brother, maybe he was right all along… Maybe Roman is the villain, oh, what a twist! The "hero" ends up being the true villain of the story…

"We love you" He mimicked Patton with a mocking tone underneath his breath "Yeah, right… I don't even love myself how could you love me?" He sadly giggled "I'm not good enough, am I? All I do is hurt the people around me" It's been 2 years since Virgil tried ducking out, none of the others sides have had the guts to tell Thomas that "ducking out" is like committing suicide if a side stops doing their job for an extended amount of time, they disappear, no one had ever directly told Roman that Virgil trying to duck out was his fault, but he knew they thought that and most importantly he knew it was true, why would Virgil try to do that if it wasn't because of all the hateful comments Roman had made in the past, he's been trying to stop hurting the people around him, but it's just impossible, it feels like whatever he tries he just ends up hurting someone else, Virgil didn't deserve it, neither did Janus, they were both trying to help Thomas, but unlike Virgil, Janus hurt Roman, he used him… Janus manipulated him 

"Roman! Are you okay? Can I come in?" Patton softly asked while knocking on the bedroom door 

"Go away!" Roman yelled 

Patton flinched at the sound of Roman's voice "I'm sorry for bothering you…" He apologized in a much lower voice but still loud enough for Roman to hear from the other side 

Roman felt bad about reacting in that way when Patton just wanted to help, but, what if it wasn't really Patton? What if Janus sent Patton to talk to him so he can manipulate him even more? But, what if it was actually Patton and he just wanted to help, but like a fool, he reacted in a rude way? And now Patton was probably sad… Roman sat on his bed, he stayed there for a while, thinking about nothing, just letting the tears fall "I hate myself so much…" He whispered underneath his breath "I deserve this, I deserve Thomas to hate me… I'm his creativity, I should come up with more original ideas, I should be better…."

"Romano!" He heard Virgil's voice for the other side of the door "Dude, you doin' ok?"

"Yeah…" Roman replied

"You sure? Patton told me about what happened today…" He sighed "Can I come in?"

"No…"

"Ok, I don't care I'm coming in any way" He sat next to Roman on the bed "You've been crying haven't you?"

Roman nodded

"Roman, I honestly don't really like Janus, I hate him if I'm being honest, but… maybe he isn't too bad, maybe he isn't the villain like we expected him to be"

Roman sighed "Listen, I can understand you not being the bad guy, but Janus literally impersonated our friends and made us play along, he manipulated us!"

Virgil placed his hand over Roman's shoulder 

"Virgil…" Roman took a deep breath "If you, Remus and Janus aren't the villains, does that mean I'm still the hero?" He sadly giggled "Don't even answer it, of course, I'm not… I'm the villain now! Thomas sees me as the villain now" his voice was now shaky, he was clearly going to start crying, Virgil slowly brushed Roman's hair with his fingers to calm him down "Does it feel nice? Is it helping?" 

Roman nodded "Can I hug you?" They've never properly hugged before, Roman was ready for Virgil to deny his offer

"I don't really like hugs, but I'll make an exception for you" Virgil softly hugged Roman

"Virgil… I'm so sorry" Roman said now crying 

"Why? Why? Why are you sorry?" He stuttered, he knew where this was going and was extremely surprised at the fact that Roman even apologized

"When you tried ducking out, it was my fault wasn't it?" Roman tightened the hug

"What? No, Roman! Of course not! It wasn't your fault"

"But I was the one to always insult you and treat you like shit"

"But that wasn't why I did it…" Virgil sighed "Just, Roman, it wasn't your fault, I promise"

"Please never leave me again!" He tightened the hug once again, he cried for a bit while Virgil softly brushed his hair with his fingers until he finally fell asleep and so did Virgil 

"Roman, are you in your room?" Janus said loudly opening the door "Oh" he whispered upon seeing the two sides asleep "I was going to apologize" Janus entered the room and grabbed a red blanket which was on top of a chair "But I'll guess I'll apologize to you two later…" He softly whispered placing the blanket on top of both sides and quietly leaving the room.