Freak Accident | SooGyu

15

I don't know what I was expecting but I definitely didn't think Beomgyu would Jump on my lap and shove his tongue down my throat.

"OW did you just bite me?" I shove him off of me and touch my lips, sure enough there was blood.

Beomgyu had some of my blood on his lips too. He tried to rub it off but it tinted his lips red and I'm not sure how I should react to that.

"Get off me I got to go"

"What the fuck you cant just kiss me and then leave!"

"I can and I am now get off" He becomes heavier in my lap.

"No."

"Beomgyu I'm being serious"

"So am I. I'm not getting off of you until I want to"

"You're ridiculous" I open my car door and start moving out, I hoped that once I stood up then Beomgyu would fall off but the freak just wrapped his arms and legs around me.

"Let go!"

"No!" He stayed wrapped around me all the way up to his room. He was tough to shake off but I managed to toss him on the bed.

"If you leave you're going to regret it"

"Oh yeah?" I raise my brow "give me one good reason why I should stay."

He bites his lip as his eyes gloss with tears "because it's the least you can do! You're a fucking jerk, one day you kiss me and then you leave and either act like it never happened or just look at me like I'm scum! I'm tired Soobin I'm so tired of you confusing me, why are you doing this to me? What did I ever do to you?" He's crying now and I hate it so much.

"Please don't cry" I reach out to touch him but he shoves my hand away. He looks so frustrated, so angry. It finally hits me that I'm hurting him, and it's pissing me off. Why would I do this to him?

He stands up "I like you" my stomach drops as he says the words I hoped to never hear from him.

"No you don't, don't say that.." I start to made my way out but Beomgyu runs ahead to block the door.

"Well I do, and unlike you I don't run away from my feelings!"

"You don't like me you don't even really know me! And I sure as hell don't like you!"

"Then why did you look at me like you love me?!"

"When?!"

"Before you kissed me in the car" I swallow hard.

"Even if I did like you, it wouldn't work out because you're still in highschool"

"I'll be going to your college in the fall"

"Don't do that just to be close to me!" He laughs dryly

"Get off your freaking high horse, it's free tuition. You have feelings for me Soobin, just admit it already."

I slam my fist over his head and lean my face close to him to make sure I get my point across.

"I don't have any feelings towards you"

My eyes lock with his, he staring back at me as if I was god and I really let him down.

"Then why did you look at me like you loved me?"

I grab his shoulders and forced him out off the way, I used too much strength and accidentally threw him onto the group. I wanted to help him because it was pretty shitty but I need to get away from him for his own good.

I was blind to it this whole time, but when I saw him cry I realized everything. I realized that I do love him. I love him so much that I have get away from him because I will ruin him if I touch him. He's on the floor right now because of me. I'm a monster.

"If you leave right now you're never going to see me again" Beomgyu doesn't look at me when he says this.

I don't look back when I step out and shut the door.

True to his word, I didn't see him again. Spring came and went, Summer lasted longer than I would have liked. I never saw him again at any parties, he stopped randomly popping up in my life, no text message or anything.

I deserve it though, after all I was the one who left. I'd just ruin him, he would think I'm a freak if he knew the truth. That's what I thought but the longer I went without seeing him the worse I got. I developed horrible migraines that lasted longer than they were gone. I hardly slept because I kept having nightmares. I kept seeing his face in my dreams- no not Beomgyus. My uncle Lances.

In early June I got horribly drunk and called Beomgyu. He didn't answer so I left a voice message.

"Hey it's Soobin... look I'm like reeeally drunk right now a-and my hands won't stop shaking. Haha..." I swallow a lump in my throat "...my uncle killed himself in my room..." I pause as if anyone would answer "...I was 11 years old when I found him. I woke up and he was there, next to my bed. Not moving or anything, he was just there. Overdosed on his antidepressants. He left a l-letter and he said he'd rather be dead than love anyone else again. Ever since then I... Ive been afraid to love because I saw it ruin him and I was terrified somebody would do the same to me. That's why I was terrified when I saw you, because I love you. I don't even know why I'm s-saying all this, I'm just drunk and I... I m..."

I realized how stupid this was and tried to delete the message but my drunk self sent it.

He never did call me back.

"So this is love huh?" I ask the moon as I lay in someone else's backyard. Too drunk to stand, but the nice thing about having the spins is that you get to watch two moons dancing "Everything I knew about it was wrong"

[pst this isn't the end of the story!]