Foo Fighters/Nirvana One-Shots

Bold

"This is a new song from the acoustic record called On The Mend" I presented the song to everyone and the band started playing. I loved this concerts, the acoustic shows we've been playing for the last couple of months. It's was different from what we were used to, it was fresh air after 11 years of rock concerts, which I put my heart into, too.

The acoustic shows were more powerful, though. In a way, you were connected to the audience differently than on rocking shows, there was more speech time and it wasn't cold in winter.

The band itself had a different connection, too. We talked to each other through glances, stares and expressions. I saw Rami and the extra percussionist improve a little something on stage, just four seconds of extra into to the song, but they did it though glances and they didn't know each other. That communication was through the music. And wether I liked it or not, it was through my music. Through the songs I had written and the chords I had thought were the good ones. That humbled me, I had created that, and people could talk to each other without words. Just like with Taylor.

Not really because of the jams onstage or the flirting in between songs, because that happened in normal shows. It was because of a song, a song of this record that we would only play on acoustic shows.

That song meant so much to me, I didn't know how I even had the guts to put it on the record. It was a love song, like Everlong or Monkey Wrench or Big Me, just that it wasn't like them. It was a very delicate, simple, beautiful love song with soft, wondering lyrics. It was the best I could do, and it was about Taylor.

That was the kind of song that sent shivers down your spine and you can't stop playing. One of those songs that once you write, you can't get it out your head. It was a treasure to me, a treasure that I liked to play every time I could. That was one of the reasons why I loved the acoustic tour so much, because I got to play On The Mend. And I knew I had to savour every time those verses left my mouth, every time my fingers picked the strings mindlessly, I had to worship every second of it because that was all I was going to get, at least with Taylor listening as I played.

That was one thing I loved abut playing that song live, with the band, with Taylor.

As I sang the words to the audience I couldn't get one thought out of my mind. This song, these verses and words weren't for the audience, they were for Taylor. And I hoped that he was paying attention to me, because of the glances I threw him while singing "we're teathered once again" or "to take me where you go", because those were hints. Those were hints about the meaning of the song, about the real meaning, not just the plain love song.

With those glances I was telling him, singing him to please realise once for all what the song was about. To realise that it was about him nearly going away and about how scared I had been. He had to get that it meant that, it was obvious. He was supposed to catch the hints and figure out that by singing that song to him I was really singing my love for him. I was proving that I had gotten over that incident back in 2001, but at the same time I was using the song to worship our relationship, that being whatever we had. To point out how we were still here, how we went through that and survived it. And with that I also put him close to me and whispered sweet things to him, pleaded him to be careful, not to do this to me ever again. I already knew it was all in the past, and he did, too, but I carved for confirmation.

Then, the song ended and the hinting glances did, too. Later, the show ended and even a bit later we were all chatting after the performance, but he was always like per usual. He never hinted that he got the message. He never put two and two together, and never noticed the slight tremble in my voice at the end of the song, never realised that the song, the words and the delicate notes were for him.

But that was okay, because at the end of the day, he always had an arm past my shoulders, a joke on his mouth and a smile on his lips. And that attention, that touch, were enough for me. If I couldn't have anything else, I would gladly settle for what he gave me, knowing that it could all end anytime, just like it almost did once.