Cadence Book Reviews

Eve of Eden Critique Feedback

Username: Sohlll
Story Title: Eve of Eden
Blurb: I am Adam's wife. I was the perfect wife. Well, perfectly obedient. I did everything they told me to do--everything he told me to do, but in the end, none of it mattered. My name is Eve, and I just got kicked out of Heaven.
Story Genre: Fantasy

Option: 8 Chapters
Date: 5/16 Period

Critique: Cadence
Total Points: {72/96}
Final Comment: Although there are places in which description or explanation is lacking, the idea behind the plot is very creative. It's a story worth pursuing.

Opening Chapter

Hook Sentence: {5} Very good.
Hook Paragraph: {4} Good opening. It draws a lot of interest and has me wondering what will come next.
Backstory: {3} Backstory is added when it needs to be, for most part as thorough as needed. However, it could be described in more detail in places.
Scene Description: {3} Good description of places and making hell feel "alive." However, throughout the story, some characters are not described in the same good detail as Luci and Theo. As well, places like the night club are described somewhat typically, not quite unique and personalized (as in, that person's experience over the facts of what exists).
Character Introduction: {4} Very interesting. Good job here.

Plot

Genre Expectations: {5} So far, Fantasy is clear with your plot.
Themes: {2} Independence is very strong with her and shows throughout the story. Friendship and love, though, are not showing up just yet in the story.
Structure: {7} The story is progressing well, though the pace is somewhat spotty when she arrives on earth.
Creativity: {9} Very creative. It's an original idea that has a lot of potential.
Suggestions for Improvement: Suggestions are noted in each category.

Overall

Spelling/Redundancy: {1} There's a few places where sentences begin with "I" or with what she is doing (I did this or that). It would help to find more ways in which you can describe or say something without necessarily saying she did. Also, a quick run-through of the chapters would catch a lot of typos. Overall, not bad.
Grammar/Punctuation: {2} Very good.
Use of Language: {4} Really good variety, but consistent.
Voice/Style: {4} You have a voice that begins to come out and stays consistent with the character. And, although it matches the character and voice well, there's a few cliche phrases that can be rephrased.
Point of View: {4} Very good.

Protagonist: {7} Unique history, interesting yet quirky view of life, has you either laughing or shaking your head at her in a good way. However, it might be harder to connect with her if she jumps to childish emotional reactions too often.
Second Protagonist: --
Antagonist: {8} The overall goal at first is to return to heaven, and there's plenty to get in her way. We have an obvious reason of no one actually having that power, among other reasons. Makes for an interesting story.

Ending

Memorable: Doesn't Apply.
Wrapped Things Up: Doesn't Apply.
Satisfying: Doesn't Apply.

Critique additional notes: In Downtown Distractions, there's a scene in which Eve calls the officers "constables." It's somewhat confusing as to when and where they are in the world, or if it's just something she says based on her own experiences not being quite up to date. Explaining this a little better in scenes afterward or changing out the exact word will take the confusion away. In the same chapter, great ending. However, in the previous chapter, the cliffhanger was somewhat random and not quite addressed or explained after. It comes off kind of irritating that we don't understand why she's so aloof about it, and that it time skipped right away. Cliffhangers have to make a bit of sense or lead us to understand why it's there, otherwise they don't leave actual shock or interest.

Eve, Luci, and Theo are described very well. I enjoyed reading about them. However, other characters, such as the detectives, were not described as well as they could've been. I think Linda could've made a better character if she was given more time. The plot is also good, despite the jumping around in time it sometimes has. It's a unique idea.