Learning to Trust Again

Prolouge

It was supposed to be easy. Get in, grab what I needed, and get the hell out. But of course, just with my luck, nothing goes as planned. Walkers are everywhere, my brother is nowhere to be seen, and my gun was missing from the holster I had strapped to my thigh. Fucking great. A walker stumbles my way, a low groan erupting from it. I quickly grab my knife from my belt and stab the blade through the undead man's skull, blood trickling from the wound and down my arms as I rip it back out, slamming it down into another one. I stumble back, tripping over a fallen walker and cornering myself behind the counter of the convenience store, holding my knife out in front of me and whispering a quiet prayer under my breath.

I inhale shakily, doing a quick scan of my surroundings. There's three more walkers in front of me and two more limping my way. Not too bad, I guess. I let out a breath before leaping over the counter, stabbing one of the walkers in the head before spinning around and easily knocking out a second one. I kick the third walker in the knees, sending it tumbling down onto the floor and I hover over it, shoving my knife through its eye. I begin my march towards the remaining two, but a blood curling scream stops me in my tracks.

Casey...Oh shit...

I scramble over towards my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and making a rush for the exit. That's where it came from right? Outside the store?

"Please be okay, please for the love of God be okay" I whisper to myself.

I burst out of the store, my eyes frantically sweeping my surroundings, hoping to find the messy mop of black hair I've grown so used to seeing. Another shrill scream reaches my ears and I whip around, my eyes widening in shock. There, on the ground, surrounded by walkers was my brother. My poor baby brother. I let out an enraged shout, adrenaline pumping through my veins as I race forward and sink my knife into one of the walkers. I knew it was too late to save him, I knew he was going to turn into one them, but that didn't stop me from taking out my anger on the things that did this to him. The things that took the only person I had left from me.

I stabbed walker after walker until no more remained, leaving me wobbling on my feet as I try to catch my breath. My gaze flickers back to my brother laying on the ground, the pool of blood under him steadily increasing and I choke out a sob. Tears blur my vision as I stumble over to him, the last of the adrenaline fading away and leaving me feeling exhausted, almost empty, one would even say numb. I collapse down onto my knees next to him, my hands pressing down on his side in attempt to stop the bleeding. I knew it was no use, I knew he was dying...and it was all my fault. A broken wail erupts from me and I move my hands to cup his face, my bloodied thumbs streaking his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Casey...I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry" I press my forehead against his, removing one of my hands from his cheek to pull him into my lap, hunching over his mangled body. His eyes flicker up to where mine were squeezed shut, a steady stream of tears falling down my face, and creating a small wet spot on his torn t-shirt where they landed. He places a shaky hand over mine, his breathing coming out as short-ragged rasps. He opens his mouth to speak, but instead he is sent into a coughing fit, blood dribbling from between his lips. I shush him and brush my fingers through his hair, attempting to keep him calm. He shakes his head, coughing up some more blood and squeezes my hand. I gaze down at him, trying to blink away the tears, but they just kept coming. He flashes me a small smile, tightening his grip on my hand

"Hey, it's going to be okay," he manages to choke out, "...I promise...it's all...it's all going to be okay"

I couldn't help but let out a small, hysterical huff of laughter at our situation. Here I am, holding onto my little brother's body as he slowly fades away, yet he's the one trying to comfort me. I shake my head, trying to get out the words I want to say, trying to say something, anything, but the only thing I can manage is another ugly sob. Casey, places a hand on my cheek, mirroring the position I'd done to him only moments before.

"Thalia, I need you to do something for me...can you...can you do something for me?"

I meekly manage a nod, brushing my thumb over his knuckles of the hand that I was still holding tightly, "Anything"

"Can you stay with me? Until I...you know...please?"

The lump in my throat grows larger as I attempt to hold back more tears, an ache filling my chest, "Of course buddy, you don't have to ask...I'm right here...I'm not going anywhere...I'm not going anywhere"

Casey turns his gaze up to the sky, his breathing rapidly decreasing, now only coming out in shallow gasps "Hey, Thalia?"

"Yeah buddy?"

Casey coughs once more, the noise coming out as a weak wheeze and his lip quirks up in a weak version of his signature smile "I love you"

"I love you too, I love you so much...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry"

Casey meets my gaze, mumbling out an incoherent sentence under his breath before his heaving chest falls still. I bite my lip and look down at him, giving his hand a small squeeze. I press my head to his chest, listening for something, a heartbeat, a breath, anything, but I find nothing. I break into another fit of hysterical sobbing, holding his paling body close, ignoring the blood that was now staining my clothes. I set him back down onto the ground, gently pressing my lips to his forehead before sitting back on my heels. I wipe my bloody hands on my tattered jeans, using the cleanest part of my sleeve to wipe at my eyes. I spot the pistol that I had brought with me deposited a few feet away from where I'm kneeling. So that's where that ended up. I reluctantly stand, mindlessly shuffling over to the pistol and strapping it back into its holster. I hesitate though, my hand hovering over the grip of the gun. I should use it to take out Casey when he comes back, make it as quick and painless as possible, but judging by the lingering walkers, it would just bring unwanted attention, so I decide against it. I take a seat next to my brother, staring off ahead of me. If it weren't for the situation, I found myself in, I would've been smiling at the scene laid out before me. The sun was slowly sinking down over the tops of the trees, the top of the glowing orb barely visible behind the leaves. A light breeze blows down the street, and I watch as a plastic grocery bag blows by.

I stare down at my bloodied hands and squeeze my eyes shut. I pray that this is all just a bad dream. That I'm going to open my eyes, and I'm going to be laying in bed, staring at my ceiling coated in those glow in the dark stars that were starting to fall off and fade out. That I'm going to wonder down the hall and see Casey sleeping soundly in his little race car bed, hugging that ragged stuffed animal dog of his. That I'll peek into mom and dad's room, and they too will be fast asleep, content in each other's arms, the effects of their night of drinking fading away.

Mom and Dad...they don't even know. They might not even be alive, not that I really cared. I hang my head, pulling my knees up to my chest and wrapping my arms around my shins. That stupid, stupid business trip of theirs couldn't wait, as per usual...and now I don't even know if they're still here. I have no way to tell them that their little boy is dead and that it was all my fault. I find myself slipping away further into my thoughts, but a low groan snaps me right back into reality.

I take a deep breath before looking over to my brother's corpse, his eyes slowly flickering open. The bright blue they once were, was now dulled into the lightest grey, and he sits up, turning his head my way. My lip quivers as I raise my knife, sitting back on my knees. I hold back a sob as I meet my brothers gaze, taking a second to look at him once more before plunging the knife down into his skull, the sound ringing in my ears. I rip the knife back out and wipe the blade on my jeans, tucking it safely back into my belt.

I know I should get back home before it gets too dark, but I can't help but stare down at Casey's body. I think what hurts the most is that he'll never get a proper burial. He'll never get a proper funeral, hell half the kids he grew up with probably won't even know he's gone, if they're not already dead themselves. I want to cry again, to scream, shout, do something. But I fight back the tears, fight back the images and thoughts swirling in my mind as I shoulder my bag and begin my trek back home. I needed to be strong. I needed to be strong for myself, strong for mom and dad, but most importantly, I needed to be strong for Casey. Because that's how I'm going to survive this. I'll be damned if he went through that for nothing. I'm going to survive, I'm going to fight, I'll do whatever it takes. Because that's what Casey would want me to do. So, I'm going to do it. For him.