Teenage to Young Adult Autism: A How-To

Chapter 1: Transitioning into Highschool

Ah, high school! What a beautiful place to learn  and socialize with people just like you!

Pfft, I wish. My high school was where kids would be too busy getting drunk or high to learn and others like me were either ignored or antagonized. Take your pick.

Anyways, high school comes with a lot of new opportunities, as well as a lot of stressors. You suddenly feel the need to fit in with your peers, whether that means buying overpriced shit that  grates against your skin or swearing like a sailor. It's important to know that it's okay to not fit in; in fact, fitting in really won't work out well. I'll tell you why.

When an autistic person starts 'masking' or hiding your neurodivergent traits, it makes you feel like you want to explode and implode at the same time. "It's okay," you'll reason. "Even though I feel that way, it won't actually happen." You're right. You won't be blown apart or suddenly vanish from existence, but you will explode/implode in another way - meltdowns.

There will be a whole other chapter on meltdowns, but for now, here's what you need to know. There is always a primary stressor in the meltdown equation. If you remove said stressor (which may or may not be possible), it's easier to calm down. For example, if you meltdown because the lights on your classroom are too bright, then leaving the room or dimming the lights will make it easier to chill. But sometimes you can't remove the stressor because the stressor is thoughts or words or a person that can't be wiped from existence. In this case, you have to ride it out. It's best for someone to be there with you, in case your stims become harmful to you or others. Just know that once it's over, it's over.

Meltdowns should also never be confused with tantrums. They may look like tantrums, sure. But tantrums are because 'mommy wouldn't buy me ice cream', not because they lights and sounds are physically hurting me', which is what meltdowns are. It's important to know that meltdowns are not an automatic reaction to negative stimuli. If a certain sound hurts your ears, put some headphones on. If you need to stim, do it. Just make sure it's not harmful or overly distracting to you or anyone else. Long term, though, to prevent a meltdown you should find a way to alleviate the stress, like a musical instrument or a TV show you can engross yourself in to calm down. It helps in the long run.

So, now you know the effects of masking, but that's not really what we're here to talk about. The transition from middle to high school was one of the toughest ones in my life. Your MS teachers would say horrible things about high school, about how 'your teachers won't tolerate this' and pushing you to do more than your best. But then you arrive there... and it's nothing of the sorts. You need an extra day to finish that assignment? With good reason, most teachers will let you. Struggling with the last few pages of homework? Ask for help! Again, most teachers will help you!

That brings me on to my next point; making friends with your teachers. For a lot of autistics, it's way easier to make friends with people older or younger than them than it is making friends with people around their age. For years, my best friends were as much as seven years younger than me. Nowadays I befriend older folk I meet at bookstores, but as a high schooler, teachers were my friends. Even just short conversations before and after class go a long way. Even better, most of them will understand you don't like to make eye contact or sometimes need a little longer to reply. I always made a point to ask my teachers "How are you?" before class and say goodbye when I leave. Those short conversations got me out of some pretty tough spots.

Along with befriending the teachers, though, try to make one or two good friends who you know will support you no matter what. They don't have to be popular or mainstream, as long as you are happy with them and they are happy with you. Friends overall can make any transition smoother. An added bonus is when walking in groups, you're less likely to get attacked by some of your more devious peers, or that one pedophile librarian.

In conclusion, befriending your teachers, finding ways to relieve stress and making one or two good friends are the sure-fire equation to a smoother transition from middle to high school.