Letters From The Void

it's four am and i still miss you

Originally published: April 5, 2020

listening to sad songs

wishing we could just talk like we used to.

maybe, now i could have an excuse to send you a message, and somehow get you back...

i wish things hadn't gotten so awkward between us.

i don't know whether to be mad anymore... because i don't even know if you were aware that you completely train wrecked my emotions like you did.

so in other words, i miss you but i also kinda want to punch you in the face.

just for the record.

anyway, life is weird.

just when everything was starting to get better, this happened and now I'm depressed again.

frickin universe.

maybe it's karma, although for what crime i have no idea, because as far as i know I've been on the receiving end of heartbreak my entire life.

i just kind of realized that this all might sound strange to you. you always thought that i was constantly this super-happy, upbeat and motivational person. it's not a "fake" version of me, it's just... not the whole picture.

for the record i planned to tell you someday.

but i always felt like you were different. like i could spill all my emotions to you and you wouldn't judge. like i didn't have to prove myself to you.

now i will never know whether i was wrong.

i even found out that you probably found a replacement for me, and it's pretty obvious that she's prettier and happier and more normal...

i will say that she's as boring as a doorknob (oh heck, a nice fancy one could easily beat out her personality), but if she makes you happy then i guess i can't stop you.

oh and by the way, i have insomnia now (this on a completely unrelated note, it has nothing to do with you).

i supposedly went to bed at 10 today but i literally have not been able to sleep. at all.

also, just one more thing before i go: this entire book was literally created because i missed you.

i created a book because i wanted to talk to you, because i was sick of trying to make the awkwardness and the distance between us disappear and because i was sick of having imaginary conversations with seemingly everyone in my life.

so there's that.

and last thing, i promise: it's 4:45 in the morning right now.

that's all.