Lost at What-If

Chapter Two

Chapter twooooo. The bois make some changes - healthy? Perhaps. You shall see

Warnings: Depression, food mentions, self-deprecation, self-hatred, impulse decisions, just a lot of angst. I dunno, ok? I'm an angst writer. :/

Enjoy this one!

Logan was sinking.

He was sinking into his thoughts, into his work, and into a headspace he'd never really experienced before. He still didn't express emotion like he wanted to be able to, as every time he tried he ended up wanting to sob. But he felt it. At random moments, sparks of anger or joy or intense sadness would strike him and he had no idea what to do.

So he ignored it.

He tried to remember how he usually acted, so he could make it seem like he was perfectly fine. But he still found himself sinking into his thoughts, completely lost to the world for minutes at a time. That had never happened before, and it was starting to get annoying.

Logan knew he must be experiencing some kind of derealization or dissociation, but he couldn't imagine why. He had no mental illness to be the cause of it, and there was no current circumstances behind it either. Everything was the way it had always been, and Logan had always been perfectly fine before this.

So why the hell didn't he want to get out of bed?

It was a Saturday, but he usually tried to get up at the same time every day no matter what. So why, Logan wondered to himself, was he still lying here? Ethan and Virgil had already left to shower and eat - and Ethan worked on Saturdays. What time was it? Why was Logan still in bed?

"Logan?"

Logan sat up, though it felt like an impossible task, and met Roman's worried gaze from where he stood in the doorway.

"Are you sick, my love?" Roman gasped dramatically. "Do you need me to nurse you back to health? I will journey to the ends of the earth to find any antidote, I will-"

"I'm alright." Logan laughed softly, getting to his feet. It was easier to move now that he'd already sat up, but he still just wanted to collapse into the bed and never move again.

Whoa, where did that come from? Of course, he wanted to move. He had work on Monday, and he had things to do this weekend.

"Are you sure?" Roman frowned. "You don't usually sleep in."

"I've just been more tired than usual lately." Logan shrugged, already wishing he hadn't mentioned it. He just needed some coffee, and he'd be awake and get things done. That was all.

"If you say so, specs." Roman stepped out, giving Logan privacy to change out of his pajamas. Logan resisted the urge to fall back into bed, joining his boyfriends in the kitchen a few minutes later.

"Oh, he lives!" Ethan said, not looking up from his phone. Logan glanced at the clock unhappily. Ethan would be leaving in five or so minutes - and while he'd be back that night, Logan still liked to spend time with him in the mornings. Oh, well, it was his fault for sleeping in.

"I only slept for an extra hour or so," he said, walking to the coffee pot. While the statement was true, he knew it wasn't good to get into the habit of sleeping in. He'd have to discipline himself more in the future.

"I told you, you need to take a break," Virgil said, drawing Logan's gaze to him. "You can't keep overworking yourself, Lo."

"I'm not overworked." Logan rolled his eyes. "I simply didn't sleep well. I told you, Virgil, I'm fine."

Once again, as he found himself doing often, Logan wondered if that was the truth. Was he fine? He must be - he felt no different than always. Alright, maybe he felt a little different than always. He just couldn't figure out what the difference was, and until he did, there was no point in bringing it up. Why give a problem with no solution? Why trouble them with something he himself didn't understand? It would only cause more problems.