Lost at What-If

Chapter Three

Here we are! This fic was shorter than the others lmao but I'll explain a bit why down at the AN after the chapter. <3

Warnings: self-deprecation, depression, discussion of suicidal thoughts/ideation, insecurity, food mention, etc.

Enjoy!

Logan fully expected one or more of them to come after him. Perhaps after a few minutes, letting him calm down. He just didn't expect the door to open mere seconds after he'd lay down, and he didn't even know who to expect it to be. He wasn't sure what to think upon realizing, as he felt the mattress dip down in two places and heard a third person sit beside it, that it was all of them.

Dully, Logan realized that this was it. He couldn't not talk to them now. He couldn't lie and tell them it was work, or stress, or lack of sleep. It was all of those things, but it was so much more than that, as well. It always had been. And it had all caught up to him, and it was painfully obvious that Logan was anything but okay.

Nobody spoke for a long while, and Logan hated how worried he knew they were. It's not like he wanted to feel like this... but he could have said something earlier. He could have done something different to change this, but he hadn't. He didn't even have a reason to feel so upset. He was so stupid. He-

Logan opened his eyes and rolled onto his back, feeling sick at the thoughts that had been hiding in his mind for months now as he tried to ignore them.

"Virgil," he said softly, staring at the ceiling. "Do you recall asking me... to tell you when I do not feel perfect?"

"Yeah."

"I've felt less than perfect for quite some time now..." Logan's voice cracked and he closed his eyes miserably. "I don't know what to do."

"Oh, Lo..." Virgil gently took his hand, rubbing his thumb over Logan's knuckles. "I know you have. Please tell us what's wrong."

That was the problem, wasn't it? Logan had promised to always tell them when he was upset. But how was he supposed to explain something that he didn't understand? There was no reason for him to feel like this - he didn't even know how he felt.

"Logan," Roman leaned his head against the bed from where he sat and sighed. "'M sorry I overwhelmed you."

"It was not your fault," Logan said firmly, forcing his eyes open and sitting up. He avoided their gazes, guilt gnawing inside him. "I am simply..." this was going to sound so ridiculous. "More emotional than usual, lately."

"You know you're allowed to feel emotions." Virgil chuckled, leaning on Logan's shoulder. Logan frowned, glancing over at him. "What? I know you, Lo. I say it all the time - you repress stuff. You're allowed to feel emotions, you're not a robot."

"I'm aware." Logan rubbed his eyes. How was he supposed to explain this? "I simply..." this wasn't simple at all. "I don't understand why I feel what I feel."

"Well, what do you feel?" Ethan asked from the foot of the bed. "Right now."

"Oh." Logan blinked, taking a careful breath. "I currently... I suppose you could call it fear. However irrational it may-"

"Fear, then," Virgil smirked, meeting Logan's eyes. "Care to elaborate?"

"Not particularly," Logan mumbled. It was a stupid fear. How would he let them down? The company was thriving, Ethan's leg was improving, Patton was still in prison- Logan shook the name from his head, though he knew the way he felt when thinking it was probably important.

"What can we do?" Ethan asked softly, tugging on his hair anxiously.

"I don't know." Logan buried his face in Virgil's hair. "I... I don't want to disappoint you. Or anyone. I have... I was going to talk to you once I'd figured out how I felt."