↳ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.

xxiii

i. i'm so depressed, i just want to throw myself into the raging river behind my house but i won't because i don't want to throw away the slim possibility of things getting better but

ii. i'm so tired and it's not the kind of tired that sleep can fix

iii. it's the kind of tired where i want to take a hot shower and let the boiling water burn the flesh off my bones. it's the kind of tired where i want to stand in the middle of a thunderstorm and scream back, seeing who's louder. me, or mother nature? and it's the kind of tired where i want to drink tea mixed with more whiskey than honey and drink and drink and drink until i black out. it's the kind of tired where i want to sleep until all the pain ends.

iv. but look, i'm just as pissed as mother nature. and look, i can scream just as loud. but she never stops screaming, even when i do.

v. it's too loud to sleep.