The dark corner of the room

the dark corner Part 6: Tyla

yup. yesterday my sisters came from school, I waited with others for quite sometime. I love those kids. many things were going through my head. What am I supposed to do with them exactly? any signs of love or appreciation is prohibited at home. My mom doesn't allow them. A few days ago she screamed at my older sister, clara, for laughing too loud. Clara is trying, she uses her laugh to mask her pain, but what can she do, I already took the crying part. 

Anyway, last week, exact this time my dad was too come home from work. it is actually the only time we get to see him, ever. on a friday night, when he comes home. he then wakes up on saturday to take care of "some business" and on sunday, he goes back after church. i never go to church. i hate it, i hate it with passion. people are so good with pretending. they hate and beat each other throught the week, and kneel down and pray on sundays. how does that work exactly? 

I know, i am judging them, which makes me no different that them because it is what they do to me all day, but aren't they supposed to be the good ones. ? aren't I supposed to be the odd one? Sunday is when kids show off there prettiest clothes, parents show off their prettiest cars, and moms just talk and talk and talk about the other women. and of course, there is the praying part, but what is it for ? we live in a horrible community, and I know I can choose to see the best part of them all, but for someone like me who never see anything unless something catches my attention, so far, all that catches my attention are the worst. 

Let me take you a while back. I was about 5/6 years old, I think it was my first year of elementary school, and I heard a few gun shots. very loud noises, like 5 consecutive times, I asked my mom's friend, who was there what's going on, and she mentioned casually that it's probably a few genocide murders who are being shot. "They shoot them once in a while" she added as an after thought.

how can everyone be okay with this ? we go to church every sunday for goodness sake, and maybe that's one of the reasons I stopped going to church, but seriously? these people who are being shot are parents, they have kids, and wives, they have families, how is this happening? did I add that there was some noises too, as in people were actually cheering that others were being shot. but ofcourse, I didn't say anything. But I developed a stutter and lisps, and my mind stoped functioning all together.