Warrior Hearts

Creeping Doubts

The soles of my feet press down on an army of scattered twigs, as I make my way back towards the palace; Singhania trailing close behind my heels. Unable to exercise any more self control, I make a quick three-sixty degree turn. Upon doing so, an instinctive smile tugs at the corners of my lips as I cast my eyes onto the greenhouse for the briefest of seconds. 

"Thank you!" Singhania blurts out from behind me. In response to his unexpected words, I release a gasp of surprise. In fact, I'm caught off guard to the extent that I find my feet stumbling over the uneven ground. 

"For what?" I question, curiously peeking a glance at Singhania over my shoulder. I now know that he is purposefully lagging a few steps behind, so as to avoid eye contact with me for the entirety of this awkward conversation. 

"Well, as per my list," Singhania begins, and I don't have to turn around to know that he's smiling. "You, Princess, did what I failed to do - hold my family together. Frankly, Dadi or any other member of my family couldn't fulfil this task either, but you did. And as much as I hate to admit it, Princess, there was no selfish gain in it for you." Scoffing, I shake my head as I recollect the way Singhania tried - and failed miserably - at bribing me with jewels.

"I don't quite understand you, Princess," he adds in a whisper. "You're unlike anyone I've ever met before. Heck, you're the lady who dotes on the family of the very man who you detest." 

"I'm not you, Singhania," I snap. "I won't take out my frustration on innocents like a bully." Shrugging my shoulders, I glance over at Singhania once again. However, his face is now shrouded in darkness, and so I cannot gauge his expressions; not even in the slightest. "I'd pity myself, Singhania, if I gave up a chance at all the love they have to share just because I'm holding onto past wounds." Halting, I turn around to face the man behind me. A sliver of slanted moonlight is shining on his face, dividing it in half. 

"I pity you, Singhania," I confess. "Because you nurse old wounds. That must be suffocating, right? Living in the past, I mean?" Tilting my head ever so slightly, I genuinely wish to seek an answer from Singhania's orbs. 

"Your words, Princess," he replies, "Are easier said than brought into practice. I'll talk about forgiveness with you the day someone steals a loved one from your life. And then let's see how long it takes for you to let go off past wounds." Pursing my lips, I turn back around. Who am I bothering myself in arguing with? Singhania and I will never see eye to eye. 

"But tonight's for another cause, Princess." Singhania continues, determination evident in his tone. "I thank you for making my house a home again." Rolling my eyes, I throw my arms in the air. 

"Of course I did," I agree, letting out a bark of laughter. "Because isn't that what a lady does? Make a home out of a house for men who would rather spend their time, wealth and sweetness quota on third parties, who are also popularly known as, 'Home-wreckers.'" Frowning, I bite down on my lower lip. Where in the world are these words stemming from? Truth be told, I never realised that Anusha's presence bothered me to this extent. A few minutes of silence pass by between Singhania and I. Oh, so have I finally managed to put a lid on his ever active lips? 

"I'm sorry," Singhania finally says. My feet slow down, his words taking me by surprise once again.

"Be more specific, Singhania," I urge. Truth be told, I'm impatiently awaiting a reply from him. Is Singhania, perhaps, apologising for the way he made a fool out of me? After all, that instance should most certainly top his apology list. 

"For laying the entire blame of Dadi's ailing health on you," Singhania replies. For some reason, upon hearing his words, I find my head bowing towards the ground in disappointment. Of course Singhania fails to showcase repentance on the matter that most requires it. 

"Your words hardly matter to me, Singhania." I say truthfully, as I shrug my shoulders to showcase my nonchalance. 

"But they do make a difference to me," he argues. "And I shouldn't have accused you of such a vile act, especially not when I know that you and Dadi share a bond that quite frankly, I'm envious of." This confession of Singhania's has my lips breaking out into a smile of triumph. 

"Finally," I murmur, as my eyes catch sight of the gate. With newfound energy, I hasten my steps in its direction. 

"And thank you for fulfilling your promise." Singhania says, completely oblivious to my urge to get away from him. Truth be told, I've had enough of his bull for an entire year to come. 

"It's alright," I murmur dismissively. Like a drowning person who is desperate to reach the shore, I slide my way out of the gate and into familiar territory. 

"Princess, wait!" Singhania calls out from behind me. "Let me lock the gate, and then you can take the keys with you." Flicking my wrist, I continue to head towards my desired destination. However, a sudden thought has me halting in place.

"Singhania," I say, turning around to rest my gaze on him. "You said that you did some research, right?" Immersed in locking the gate, Singhania merely offers me a brief glance over his shoulder. 

"Yes, that's what I said," he confirms. Furrowing my brows together, I stare at his back in confusion. 

"How'd you manage that? I mean, reading isn't your cup of tea." Upon hearing my words, Singhania's fingers begin to hover over the padlock. Almost as if I've caught him redhanded, he turns around to face me, a cloud of subtle panic masking his brown orbs. 

"Um...Princess, maybe I did call for a few books." Singhania says, as he presses his palm against the back of his neck. Is he embarrassed at my query? "And I might just have read them too. How else would I have built your greenhouse and purchased a collection of plants to start up the process for you?" Narrowing my eyes at Singhania, I search his orbs for any sign that he's lying. However, as always, the man does so with utter finesse, which is why I'm greeted with pure honesty in return. Nodding my head, I turn on my heels. 

"Princess!" Singhania calls out, drawing my attention back towards him. "One last thing before you go." Gesturing at him encouragingly, I silently urge Singhania to utter whatever it is that he wishes to. "Please stop demeaning your gender. You always speak about yourself condescendingly, as if being a lady is an insult." Do I hear a hint of defensiveness in Singhania's tone? "But if you look at yourself from my eyes, Princess, I'd say that you're the strongest one out here, and us, men, have got nothing against you. Heck, I'd feel ashamed even competing with you, and not because I'm too great to do so. But because I'd feel like a complete loser standing beside you." 

"That's because you are," I reply curtly. Without another word, I march towards the palace. 

"Goodnight!" Singhania yells, but I turn a deaf ear to his greeting. Truth be told, I won't pay much heed to Singhania's words tonight. However, tomorrow - once I've spoken to Dadi - I shall be able to make sense of everything that's transpired between Singhania and I.