The Whispers

12: Because of You

"We're often afraid of looking at our shadow because we want to avoid the shame or embarrassment that comes along with admitting mistakes." - Marianne Williamson, spiritual teacher and activist.

I squish a beetle with one of Galloway's glass slides and watch in satisfaction as its body flattens beneath it. The beetle had told me that I needed to go back to St. Kerry's to keep my father company. The beetle had no right telling me where to go or why. It had to die.

I've decided that it's not unethical to kill bugs. I don't kill bees even if they talk because without bees we'd all be dead, but things like houseflies and mosquitoes can spread diseases... maybe not in this part of the world but none the less murdering them is not immoral. Mosquitos could go extinct and the environment would be just fine, so it's not like getting rid of them is that bad. Some bugs kill crops or damage food, so I'm sure that if my insect serial killer ways were well known then farmers would thank me. Some bugs attack you just for fun; wasps, for example, just sting you because your existence annoys them. They pose a threat to mankind and I am just doing the world a service.

"Why do you like to kill bugs?" Harper asked. He has his hood up and his arms crossed, slouched down in his seat as if he doesn't want anyone to see him. He seems off today like he has been for the last week or so.

"I can hear them talk to me," I say. A girl in front of me turns around to look at me, her face distorted into a horrified expression. Obviously, she heard me and thinks that I'm serious and possibly schizophrenic like my dad. I'm sure she knows about him, everyone does, as Stella can't keep her mouth shut when it comes to other people's secrets.

"I'm obviously kidding," I add. I don't want anything thinking I actually hear bugs, even if it is true.

Harper doesn't seem to like that answer, though. He doesn't stop staring at me all class. He knows about my dad - it's entirely possible that he doesn't believe I'm joking. He's not stupid.

When biology ends Harper and I migrate to my locker and wait for my sister. Dallas walks by with his arm around Stella - he hasn't talked to me for a week. I hate to say it's been a good week - yes, I miss Dallas, but Malakai isn't allowed back for another seven days and it's been peaceful without having to worry that Maggie is somehow in danger. He doesn't acknowledge my existence but it's visibly noticeable that he slowed down while walking by. Perhaps he wants me to notice him and say something. I don't say anything to him, though, seeing as he's ignoring me, and let him and Stella pass us. Stella offers a smile and I return the gesture.

"I think I'm hearing them again," Harper hits his head against the locker next to mine and keeps it there, staring at the floor. My mind, filled with annoyance for Dallas not two seconds ago, and now overwhelmed with concern for my friend.

"The voices you used to hear?" I ask, though the second it leaves my mouth I understand how stupid I sound. Of course, it's voices, what else could it be?

"Yeah," he's quiet and I don't know why. It's not like anyone pays attention to us, anyway, so I doubt anyone even heard him. I guess he's just cautious, and I get that.

"Are you high right now?" I'm positive he is - he said he only hears things when he's high.

"Yes," he mutters. "I did lines before bio. Probably wasn't the brightest idea."

It's not a good thing that he's admitting to but at least he's being honest with me. I'm sure if he told anyone else this they would freak the fuck out, but not me. I know exactly what he's going through when he says he hears things. I'll have to remember to try to get him to stop taking drugs later, though, as we have a bigger problem to deal with right now - what he's hearing.