Mark 1 - Dirkjohn

Chapter 1

I'm not sure when I started noticing boys, but once I started, I couldn't stop. I don't want to examine it too closely, so I push these thoughts to the back of my mind, most of the time. It wasn't until I had slung my backpack off one shoulder, cleared the stairs two at a time, and slammed my bedroom door closed that I felt hidden enough to let my mind wander.

I have denied it for a long time, laughing it up as I played along whenever Dave would 'bro-flirt' with me ironically. But it wasn't irony for me anymore. Whether or not I actual had a crush on my best friend for life, I couldn't begin to wrap my head around, but I knew that I grinned like an idiot whenever we shared one set of earbuds, I knew that I flooded with warmth whenever our thighs pressed together on the bus ride to school, and I knew I was finding increasingly lame excuses to touch Dave all the time.

Okay, so this definitely cannot happen. Falling for your best friend may be a time-honored tradition in my favorite terrible romantic comedies, but in real life I know that it always ruins everything. To top off all this crazy horseshit, I have a three-day weekend ironic sleepover pajama party starting tomorrow, and realizing that I want to make out with Dave more than I want to play video games is going to make thing at least 90% more awkward. I wonder if Colonel Sassacre would know the precise index of elevated awkwardness.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that my pesterchum window is already flashing, but my stomach does a silly sort of flip and and I shuffle things around in my room to avoid seeing who is pestering me. I kick a few comic books and pairs of pants under my bed as an excuse for cleaning, and take time to lovingly re-tape the corner of one of my many Matthew Mcconaughey posters that was starting to peel away from the wall. I don't care what Dave says, Mcconaughey is clearly one of the great actors of our time.

Finally there's nothing left for my short attention span to latch onto, and I've reasoned with myself that if I can't even handle a chat on pesterchum, there's no way I'm going to survive this weekend. I flop down in front of my computer chair and breathe a sigh of relief to see Rose's window blinking at me.