We Love the Twin

Confusion?!?

Life is hard. Always. You can't just wake up and be carried away. I realized this when the hypnosis set in. I thought I wound understand everything once I remembered, but I don't. If anything, I'm more confused than ever. About two weeks have passed, and I've hardly talked to Edmund. I've been growing close to Finny, though. He talks to me a lot. Sebastian stopped trying to force me to wear girl clothes.
In some ways, my life was finally settling down. Too bad my heart couldn't keep up. Everything hurts. I don't want to feel. I wish I could turn into a demon. Then I wouldn't have many feelings at all. I'm confused, and hurt, and sad. And I don't even know why!
I sat on the steps to the mansion, watching Pluto prance about. I'm still getting used to Pluto. It's strange to watch a naked man run around, acting like a dog. I didn't understand it at first.
"Sinn?" I heard a voice say. I looked to the left. Finny stood there, watching me with a solemn look on his face. Finny doesn't usually look like that.
"Hello, Finny. Something wrong?" I asked. He shrugged and took a seat next to me. He doesn't act like a servant around me. Just a friend. It's a good thing too, because a friend is all I need.
"You tell me. You have that look on your face again. Have you been thinking about your past?" he asked, staring at me with big eyes.
"Yeah. I can't place these feelings. I'm too confused for this. Maybe if I could talk to J- Alois." I caught myself before I said Jim. Finny was the only person other than Ciel and Sebastian who knew I remembered my past. I told him everything(minus the parts about demons).
"That would be nice. Maybe he can help you. Should I arrange a meeting?" Finny sounded weird when he tried to sound business-like. I giggled.
"No. Where's Edmund?" I asked. Finny looked over to the trees quickly and then turned back.
"I think he's in the trees. I can hear him." Finny smiled. I nodded.
"Figures. He's watching us. Can you ready a horse for me?" I asked. He nodded happily.
"The usual?" he asked. I nodded and he sprinted off towards the stable. I laughed and headed up to my room to dress for an adventure.
I changed into my purple riding clothes and grabbed my helmet. Smiling, I walked out the doors with my head held high. Finny had the horse ready. I mounted my stead and looked down at Finny.
"Bye, Finny! If Ciel asks where I am, just tell him I've gone to my usual riding spot." I said before snapping the reins. The horse trotted off and we were on our way to Jim's house. I devised a plan of what to say to him. And I only hoped I remembered the way.
~~~
Turns out, I do know the way. However, it becomes exceedingly harder to find a destination when you can't see due to rain. Within twenty minutes, I was soaked and lost. I wouldn't be surprised if I were riding in circles.
"Come on. Not too much longer. I promise." I whispered to my exhausted horse. She whinnied and shook her head. She hates rain.
Suddenly, something snapped out over my head and fastened around my waste, pulling me off of my horse. I screamed, reaching out. I couldn't see much, but I could make out my horse's bucking form as someone grabbed her reins.
"She only calms down for me." I said calmly, crossing my arms and listening to my attacker's cursing.
"Then calm her down!" I heard three voices chorus. I shook my head and stood up, wiping off my butt. Now I was covered in mud. I grabbed my dagger and cut the ropes around my waist. I walked up and grabbed the reins.
"It's okay, Delia. You're okay." I said in a soothing voice, petting her mane with one hand while holding the reins with the other. Delia immediately calmed down and nuzzled my neck with her nose. I looked at my three assailants suspiciously and smiled widely.
"The triplets!!!" I exclaimed. "I've come to see Earl Trancy. Would you be so kind as to lead me to him? I'm afraid I've become dreadfully lost." I studied the triplets carefully, watching them. They all exchanged glances with one another before shrugging. I climbed on Delia's back and handed the reins to the closest triplet. He accepted them and we all walked in a line back towards the mansion.
When they led me inside, one took my coat. Then they called Claude to go get Alois. When Claude returned, he told me to wait here while Alois got ready. Moments later, Alois walked down the stairs. He wore black booty shorts and a long purple coat.
"Sinnie?" he said upon seeing me. "What are you doing here?" He closed the distance between us to give me a quick hug before pulling back to listen.
"Alois, I remembered everything from my past. I know you probably still don't remember, but I do now. I have all these feelings clashing inside me now, and I feel things that I haven't felt in a long time." I started feeling like I shouldn't be boring Alois with this, but it was too late now. "I'm confused. I have so many questions for you alone, and then I have odd feelings for both you and my butler, but the feelings are very different. I was wondering if you could help me sort some things out." Alois nodded, taking in the little bit of information.
"Very well." he said, clapping his hands. "Let's go to my study! We can talk more there." So we walked up to his study. After taking our seats, he asked me to first ask him the questions that I had for him.
"Okay, well to start, why do you go by Alois now?" I asked. His face turned pale, as if he hadn't been expecting that question. "Why not Jim?"
"I was adopted by the previous Earl Trancy, and he changed my name." Alois said hesitantly. I could tell he wasn't telling me the whole truth, but I went on to my next question.
"Okay. That makes sense. But where's Luca?" I asked. Alois flinched at the sound of his brother's name. His eyes seemed kind of teary now.
"H-he made a contract with a demon. In fact, I've been lead to believe the demon was Sebastian." he began. "He asked the demon to burn our entire village to the ground, to kill everyone in the city. That was what I wanted. But the demon took his soul as soon as the deed was done. He died for my dream. Even though I would have much rather had him live than ever accomplish my dream." This news rattled me a bit. Luca had been so young. He had been much too young to make a contract with a demon.
"Oh, Jim- I mean Alois- I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have asked-" he cut me off.
"No. You deserve to know what happened to him." Alois said. "Any more questions?" Tears started falling from my eyes, silently racking my body with badly concealed sobs. Alois looked up in surprise. "What's wrong?!" he asked. I shook my head and tried to wipe the tears away.
"He was so young. He didn't deserve that. Luca was so kind and sweet. He could've lived a long life with you and you both would've been happy. To think it was all snatched away by some demon is just- it's just unthinkable." I said, sniffling. Alois nodded.
"I know. I wish he had never met the demon." he said. "Do you have any other questions for me?" I shook my head, considering.
"Wait! I do have one." I said. "I lived with you for almost a year, I believe. Then we found my parents and they were ready to take me back, but the man grabbed hold of me and stole me from them. You were a master at great plans. Why didn't you stop that man?" I knew this question was unfair. Neither of us had been expecting him to come. Alois was probably just shocked and couldn't react.
"I wish I could help you with that one, but I still don't remember our time together. I don't know my motives behind not helping. For all we know, I could have been frozen in shock." Alois smiled at me kindly, trying to reassure me that he probably didn't do it on purpose. I nodded. Now on to the slightly more serious matter.
"Okay, well, now I have something else to talk about." I sighed. "When I got my memories back, I got all of those bottled up feelings back as well. I have different feelings for you than I do for my butler, Edmund." Alois seemed slightly confused by the name, but I just brushed it off. "I love you, Jim. I've always loved you like I would love a brother. And now I know just how much it hurt to lose you. I feel pain when I look at you. My stomach clenches up like it did when I first saw my parents and Ciel on that day so long ago. So I know that's what I feel for you. And I always thought that was what I would feel for Edmund, but it's different. I called him 'Big Brother' when I was living with him. Everything that ties me to him is how we lived together like brother and sister. Yet, when I look at him or when he touches me, I feel weird. I don't know what the feeling is though." I concluded, waiting for Alois's reaction.
"Could you be a bit more specific?" he asked, thinking about what I told him.
"When I look at Edmund, my stomach clenches oddly and it feels like I can't speak. I look at him or talk to him, and I have to work up the courage to do so. I don't understand why I can't talk to him easily like I used to." I said, wringing my hands together and staring at my lap.
"Well, I could tell you what I think is wrong with you." Alois said. "Little Swan, you may not like this, but I think you're in love with our dear demon butler. That could be bad news for you, though. Demons can't feel most human emotion." I accepted his evaluation. That's actually what I thought might be wrong with me.
"I understand, but Edmund is different. He was changed into a demon. He was a human at first." I explained. "I believe he can experience human emotion. I guess I'll have to talk to him now." I sighed, wishing I could draw out the time before I have to go home.
"It's still raining, you can't leave now. And you're soaked. Here, do you know how to draw a bath? Or would you like Hannah to help you?" Alois answered my prayers as if he read my mind. I shook my head.
"I can draw the bath. I just need instructions to the powder room." I said. Alois walked me over to his private powder room and told me to take as long a bath as I needed. He said he'd have Hannah make me a new dress to wear.
I started the bath and let the warm water wash over my skin. After a moment of just relaxing, I washed my hair and body. Then I decided to just lay back and relax for a moment more.
After a while, Alois knocked at the door. I got out of the water and drained it before drying myself a bit and wrapping a towel around my body. I opened the door to accept the dress from Alois, who politely turned away when he saw the door opening.
I retreated into the powder room to try on the dress. It fit perfectly. It was a simple dress, very similar in shape to the ones Lizzy wears. It was a pale shade of pink, with white accents and almost full-arm length gloves to go along with it. Once I was dressed, I left to find Alois. I found him downstairs, speaking to Hannah. She nodded quickly and hurried away.
"Alois?" I called. He turned around and smiled at me.
"You're beautiful, Little Swan. That dress suits you." he smiled. He looked at it judgmentally. "Although I must say, blue is more your color. Anyway, Hannah is tailoring a nightgown for you now. Claude says the rain won't stop until it's rather dark out. You'll have to stay the night. You can take the same guest room you took last time." I nodded.
"Thank you, Alois. This is awfully kind of you. Could we call Ciel so he doesn't worry, please?" I asked. Alois nodded and took me to the phone. I punched in Phantomhive's number and waited for someone to pick up.
"Phantomhive Estate, how may I help you?" Sebastian's voice sounded out. I hate talking to Sebastian. I hope he hands the phone off quickly.
"I need to speak with Ciel. Would you hand him the phone?" It was more of a demand than a question.
"Gladly, young mistress. You know, everyone here is worried about you." Sebastian chuckled slightly. "Your little demon is going out of his mind trying to find you." I rolled my eyes despite the fact that he can't see me.
"Just get Ciel." I spat. The phone was handed off just a moment later.
"Sinnie?! Are you safe? Where are you?!" Ciel's voice came out quick and worried. I had never heard him sound so distressed.
"Yes, Ciel. I'm very safe. I got lost in the rain, but Alois found me. I'm going to stay here until the rain stops. Claude says I'll probably have to stay the night." I explained. "If you have people searching, please call them to go back inside. I don't want anyone catching cold on my part. I'm sorry for any worry I may have caused you."
"Okay. Thank you for calling, Sinnie. I'll bring everyone inside. Of course, I'll have to find Charles first." he said, laughing a bit.
"Oh, his name is Edmund. I decided I don't like the name Charles." I smirked at myself. I guess the truth is a hard thing to tell.
"Oh. Very well. I'll have Sebastian find everyone. Bye, Sinnie." Ciel seemed rather relieved that I was safe.
"Bye, Ciel." I replied before hanging up. Alois waited for me by the stairs.
"Everything settled?" he asked when he saw me. I nodded.
"Thank you, Alois." I smiled. "You're just as nice as you always were, your highness." I bowed jokingly, like Luca and I used to do. Alois's eyes filled with tears as he looked at me.
"Sinnie-" he said. "I think I just remembered everything. I love you so much, Sinnie!" He ran to me and scooped me up in a loving hug, like those I would assume brothers and sisters share. It was nice.
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A/N: Happy new year! Sorry for the long wait, but I was going through some stuff and I had seriously lost faith in my writing ability. If those of you who read this could comment some constructive criticism or suggestions for the story, that'd be great. Sorry if this book really sucks. But I've decided I'm not going to give up just yet. I probably won't update very consistently, though. The wait between chapters will sometimes be somewhat long. I apologize for that, but it's what'll happen. I don't know how much longer this book will be. Not too much longer, I don't think. It's pretty much at the climax already.
So thanks for reading this! Sorry for the long wait!!! Bye!