Coming Home [Completed]

Ch. 9: Hardest to Love

When Theo emerged from his shower, he felt somewhat refreshed but even more tired than he was previously. The back of his mind nagged at him about his summer assignments that he'd barely started yet. As he dressed in a change of clothes from his soccer bag, Theo decided that he would have to call it a night after dinner, even if it would upset Harry.

Before he put his shirt on, Theo looked at himself in the mirror. It had been a while since he'd properly sized himself up. He knew he looked good, that people found him attractive, but the events today had him reassessing. He let his mind wander to Charlie and Lucas, wondering how far they'd gone in their first month together. Charlie probably liked Lucas's body more than his, Theo thought blithely. He'd long felt like second place compared to Lucas, with his toned swimmers' body in comparison to his less-defined form. Theo hated that the sports he played resulted in muscle but little definition. He hated that his mind wandered to Charlie, even if its origin was jealousy towards Lucas.

That tinge of envy had colored his friendship with Lucas since its inception. In Theo's mind, Lucas had a confidence he could never imagine possessing. He knew the other boy was more experienced than he was, too, and that other boys found him more attractive. Even if he was in a relationship, he couldn't stop these feelings from surfacing to the forefront of his mind. He pushed those thoughts back as he left the bathroom.

Dalia had made vegan enchiladas for dinner, which was ready as if on cue almost immediately once Theo emerged from the shower. Less time to have to spend here, he thought but then chastised himself for thinking.

The dinner conversation turned from a discussion about Dalia's day to Harry's and then finally Theo's. Harry asked with a suppressed tone of derision, how practice had gone. Theo then gave a very brief overview of how grueling it had been, to which Harry cracked some subtle jokes at the sport's expense.

"Honestly, I don't know why you do it. It's not even the sport you like and even if it was, what will it matter in a few months when you never do it again?"

Theo had let a lot slide in the past few weeks, but the combination of exhaustion and sleepiness caused him to snap, "Maybe because I like it, Harry. I enjoy running around like a 'mindless jock' as you'd frame it and you're right my window of opportunity to do it is dwindling so I'd like to do it while I can, is that so hard for you to imagine?"

"Teddy, dear, calm down, please. I didn't mean anything by it. I thought we were all having a laugh about it."

"I'm not laughing. Honestly, why do you feel this need to belittle whatever I like? You certainly don't mind the results of it. You tell me all the time how you're obsessed with my body. Well, how do you think that happens? I enjoy knowing you like my body, but you're borderline objectifying me."

"Theo, I never meant—"

"You know what? I think I'm going to go now. I have school work to do." Theo said, then turned to his other host, "Dalia, thank you for dinner. It was so amazing. I'm sorry you had to just witness all that."

Theo stormed out of the apartment and then out of the building towards his car. He heard someone following him and wanted to just get in his car and drive without fighting with Harry anymore, but it wasn't Harry following him.

Dalia caught up to him in the parking lot. "Jeez, dude, you really made me chase you down there!"

"Sorry, I thought you were Harry. I just didn't want to restart an argument. It should be fine. I just need to cool down and actually get some sleep."

"I get that. And, I know Harry says some dumb stuff sometimes, but he's well-meaning, in his own way, of course."

Theo let out an exasperated sigh and pinched his nose. "I know. He just picked the wrong day to be his full self."

"Rough day? Was practice that bad?"

"It was rough, but that's not all...did you know Charlie has a new boyfriend?"

Dalia tried to remain expressionless. "I did. Unlike you, I still regularly check Instagram, like a normally-functioning person under thirty."

"I deleted the app. Harry and I made a pact to both do it. I would've thought he'd have told you."

"We don't share shifts that much anymore at the shop. We've kinda drifted apart, I guess. You know, the shop hasn't been the same without you."

"Oh yeah?" Dalia said it often, but Theo liked to hear it. "But anyway, you know he's going to my school this year and now he's dating the hottest gay guy at our school and if I'm being honest at any school in the county."

"And you're jealous? Of which one?"

"I'm not jealous, well maybe I am a bit of Lucas, I suppose. It's just I got this shitty version of Charlie who was this paranoid closet case and now Lucas gets him totally unproblematic."

"I'm sure that's not true. I've known Charlie for a long time and there's no way he's completely unproblematic."

"You might be right, but still. I think them being together just resurfaced all this shit about feeling inferior to Lucas from years ago and it hurts. And, Harry didn't help matters either."

"Well, go home and rest and you'll probably wake up to a string of apologetic texts."

"Yeah, I think you're right."

"Honey, I'm always right."

When Theo got home, he wanted to head straight up to his room, but his mom was waiting for him in the kitchen, lurking in preparation to intercept him from his trajectory.

"Dear, how was your day?"

"Long," Theo answered monosyllabically.

"I'm sure you can do better than that."

"I felt dead-tired after practice and then I was shitty to Harry because I'm exhausted. There, is that better?"

"Are you really going to blame your relationship problems on lack of energy?"

"Please don't start with this again. I know you don't like him, but I do. You did this last time too."

"I just don't want you trying to grow up too fast. He's too old for you. You should find someone your own age, or really just focus on this year. You'll have to go your separate way from whoever you're with in a few months anyway."

"I'm just supposed to put my whole life on hold to get into a good college then? And, when I did have a boyfriend my age, you hated him!"

"I didn't hate Charlie and you know that. I just disliked the situation you were in. He wasn't as lucky as you are when it came to supportive friends and family."

"I know that. It still didn't make us right together."

"Well, no sense arguing about it now." Theo's mom said, concluding their conversation by moving into another room, "now, go get some rest; you look like you need it, dear."

With that, Theo trudged up the stairs to his room and then collapsed on his bed, still wearing his clothes. He slept through the night and, when he woke up, he had a string of apologies in text form from Harry, as Dalia had promised.