Coming Home [Completed]

Ch. 28: invisible string (NYE, Part III)

Midnight initially went unnoticed by the partygoers, with all of them seeming to have missed at the countdown and ball drop unfolded on the television screen. They noticed about halfway through "Auld Lang Syne," and drunkenly joined in to sing, For auld lang syne, my jo, For auld lang syne, We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, For auld lang syne. None of the drunkards-for-the-night quite got the Scottish words right, but no one really noticed at the state they were all in.

Charlie held Theo closely through the playing of Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World," and the two shared a deep kiss after the songs were over, as the entire party had agreed on a "do-over" at 12:15am, pretending it to be midnight. Charlie would still claim Theo as his New Years' kiss.

Somehow, Charlie and Theo ended up running out to the corner store at the end of Julia and Tate's block to get a large bag of Doritos (sweet-spicy chili, of course, for Theo) and an Arizona Arnold Palmer tall-boy for Charlie. The couple then ended up on the rooftop of Julia and Tate's building. It was questionable if they were even allowed to be up there, but they were anyway and ended up watching the cityscape as they consumed their junk food and sat back against a wall.

The night air was cold, but the sky itself was clear, the snowstorm having passed out of the city by now. Wind still whipped through the city. Charlie's hair was still somewhat short and his ears were exposed to the elements, causing them to redden. Theo moved closer to Charlie, snuggling into his side. Charlie happily obliged by wrapping his arm around Theo's shoulders, lending him his warmth.

They sat there peacefully and silently for quite a long time. The only sounds were the wind, the city, and the occasional crinkle of Theo's Doritos bag. Charlie hadn't realized how late (or more accurately, early) it was until he started to see the sun's rays peek out of the eastern skyline. He let out a yawn after checking the time on his phone.

Theo whispered something that Charlie couldn't quite here, causing the latter to ask the former to repeat what he'd said.

"What are we doing here, Charlie?" Theo asked, just barely audibly.

"Are you cold? Tired? Do you want to go back inside?" Charlie asked in return, allowing another yawn to escape his mouth.

"No, not like that. I meant, what are the two of us doing? Are we back together now?" The boy asked, hopefully, if a bit unsure.

"Is that what you want?" Charlie asked, evenly, not wanting to reveal his own excitement at the possibility.

"More than anything."

"Then, yeah, duh, I thought we already were. Back together, that is."

"Well, yeah, it's just that we're both graduating and leaving town in a few months and I didn't know..."

"But we'll be in the same city next year, right? I mean, I know the Upper West Side is a bit of a ways from here, but a subway ride isn't too bad. It's hardly long distance."

"What?" Theo asked, confusedly, positioning himself a little more upright now.

"I'll be at Columbia and you'll be at NYU, right? I saw you got accepted there."

"I did... I'm just not sure if I'm going to go."

"Really? Why not?"

"I applied to Sorbonne, too. I'm still waiting to hear back, but..."

"Sorbonne?"

"In Paris."

"Why'd you do that?"

"There's this desire I have... to go home," Theo said. He continued when he noticed a look of confusion on Charlie's face. "Not literally, but France is my homeland and I don't know it as anything more than a tourist. I've realized recently that I don't know who I am and I think a part of it is because I don't know, really, where I came from, but I want to learn. To do that, I think I have to go to Paris."

"But, can't you just, like, study abroad there for a semester or two?" Charlie asked, then realizing, "we can go together! I've been learning French. I'll take classes and we'll be able to experience it together."

"I don't think you're hearing me, Charlie. I need to discover who I am and I think only I can do that. It's like you in this past year or two. You've really found out who you are. You've become this best version of you. You've dealt with the emotional trauma and complexities within yourself. I haven't done that work."

"I can help you."

"I don't think you can. Charlie, I think this is something I need to do."

"You'd rather do some 'self-discovery' thing than be with me again?" Charlie queried. It broke him a little to ask the question, but it also filled him with a latent rage.

"No, I think I have to. Listen, Charlie, if I don't do this I think I'm going to hurt you again. I need to become my best version of myself so I can be that for you, one day."

"We were together for five minutes and you're already breaking up with me?" Charlie asked, a dull irony coating his words.

"No! No, no, no, I'm not saying that. Charlie, I love you more than I've loved anyone or anything on this earth before and I don't believe that will ever change."

"Then, what do you want then?" Charlie replied, resignedly.

"There are five months until graduation and eight until we leave for college. Let's make the most out of that time we do have together. Charlie, we've never really been together for two stretches of a couple weeks at a time. Who knows where we'll be?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves? Is that what you're saying?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"So at best we're just an eight-month relationship until we get separated by an ocean?"

"I wouldn't put it like that..."

"The reason things ended with Lucas, I think, is because we put an unsaid expiration date on things. We knew we wouldn't continue past high school. What will it be like when we have an official end date hanging over us?"

"Well, if we were to make it to eight months... I wouldn't be opposed to long distance."

"Do you really think that'll work?" Charlie asked, a bit more hopeful sounding than he had been.

"I don't know, honestly, but I'd be willing to try, for you, for us."

"We'd have to really commit ourselves to it."

"It wouldn't be so bad. We'd see each other every three months or so. You can spend a semester in Paris and I can spend one in New York. We can trade off summers and breaks where we'll be. I'm willing if you are."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. We haven't proven we can go past two months together, so let's cross that bridge first."

"Agreed," Theo said with a chuckle, then admitting, "I don't want this night to end. This is perfect, being up here with you, in this city."