I will not hurt you

Questions

26 days left 

Kylo's P.O.V

The doors slide shut and an overwhelming amount of pain drifts down onto me. It's a mixture of pure guilt and hatred for myself over what I keep doing despite my efforts to stop. I need to stop pushing her away if I truly need to meet my end goal. 

"Kylo"

 I glance around my room carefully, trying to discover where the voice came from. 

"Kylo" 

I walk to my bed and sit down, covering my ears with my hands. No matter how hard I press the endless whispers remain. Slowly getting louder the more I try to force them out. A hand lands softly on my back, urging me to look up. I can't help but raise my head. 

A man stands before me. Black clothes drape over his brown tunic and his longish, light brown, curly hair hangs just over his eyebrows. His arms are crossed with his legs hip-width apart. His presence doesn't feel real- almost like I'm in a dream. 

"Kylo." He smiles, not moving from his spot. 

"Who are you?" is all I manage to say. 

"You know me, grandson. Just not the way you remember."

"Grandfather?" I whisper. He nods and laughs loudly. 

"Please do not make the same mistake I did, pursue her. Show her the power you have and prove that good things will come out of it. You can turn her if you try." He says before vanishing. 

I stand up and pace around the spot where he stood a few moments ago. Absolutely none of this makes sense. None of it. I want to say that I wished I would have killed Mera, but I can't. I can't even think of what I would be doing if she wasn't here now. I have become so attached to her without realizing that the thought of The Resistance coming for her makes me want to...

Makes me want to breakdown. 

Want to breakdown.

Breakdown. 

And I do. Every time I have pushed it down inside of me is let out now. All of my self hatred is pouring out of me because of everything I have done. What I failed to do. I let my emotions get the best of me and now I'm moving backwards in my accomplishments. I killed Snoke, I am the most powerful man in the galaxy and I allowed some girl dig under my skin without her even trying. 

There is something about her that is so entrancing it's so difficult to not fall for her. 

Perhaps this is how we win, The First Order. 

Maybe this isn't weakness but just a newfound power I am not used to, it's unfamiliar and that's why I am crying down on my knees. 

Just accepting what is happening would make this easier, accepting her.  Showing compassion towards her and only her will prove what my grandfather said. 

I continue to sob uncontrollably, now is the time to let it all out so I can move forward.   

Mera's P.O.V

For seventh time tonight I turn over on my side, trying my best to get comfortable. Something just isn't sitting right within me, it's bothering me so much to the point where I can't sleep. 

I give up and stand onto my feet, walking sleepily to the bathroom. Just as I do almost every day now, I look at the mirror. It's the only thing I can do when I'm trapped in here, notice everything that I do and don't like about myself. I just stand there, staring at the reflection. It almost teases me with the way it could look.