hide your heartbeat - vmon/taejoon

fact #9

words: 2820//

9. He hates debate class.

It's good, at first: they're discussing the complexity of emotions and everyone's piping in with new ideas and — it's useless, but it's entertaining, and Namjoon's having a good time.

But then it gets personal and Namjoon stops having a good time when this kid stands up and opens his mouth.

"It's like in RM's new song," the kid says, then looks at Namjoon, who freezes at the mention of his alias. "My friend sent me the link and, honestly, man, it's great. But it doesn't make sense how you can go from constantly criticising Seoul and hating on this entire country to... singing about how much you love it or whatever?"

"I haven't heard it," someone pipes in from the back, and Doctor Lee admits she didn't know Namjoon made music. And then the guy connects his phone with the lecture hall's speakers and everyone's listening to Seoul.

Soha elbows him lightly and grins at him, and Jungkook — who's once again sitting next to Taehyung, a few rows upfront — wiggles his eyebrows when their eyes meet. Some people glance at him curiously, and others look deep in thought, but Doctor Lee and most students seem to be enjoying it, bopping their heads to the beat and smiling tentatively at each other.

"It's beautiful," Doctor Lee says when the song is over, and murmurs of agreement soon follow her. "You're really talented, Namjoon."

Namjoon ducks his head and thanks everyone, and he flushes when the professor asks the guy to send it to her so she can add it to her playlist. She puts the song on and lowers the volume enough for it to fade into the background, and it's nice. Namjoon is speechless this whole time.

"Sungie's right, though," a familiar face sitting next to the guy says. It's Zara, the not-janitor. "But I don't think it's bad. RM's feelings about Seoul are complex; he hates and loves Seoul. So do I."

It's simultaneously weird and nostalgic hearing people call him RM to his face.

"So do many people," Namjoon adds, then goes on when Doctor Lee nods at him encouragingly. "It's not about love and hate as much as it's about passion and attention, really."

"Exactly," Zara agrees.

"I do love Seoul and hate Seoul at the same time, but above everything, I care about Seoul," Namjoon says, "I hate this city but I care too much about it to leave, or I'm too attached to it. And I love this city but I care too much about it to pretend I don't see its flaws and all that's fuck— messed up around here, and do nothing about it."

"I see," the guy — Sungie says, "It's like that with humans, too, sometimes."

"It's not alright, though," Taehyung says, standing up. "Hating someone but being too attached to leave them, or staying with someone you think you can fix. That's some real toxic shit."

"I'm betting you've never been in love," Sungie chuckles, and Namjoon scrunches his eyebrows together because what?

"That's not love," Namjoon says. Doctor Lee nods along with him. "That's abuse."

"Can I ask something?" Jungkook asks unnecessarily, and Namjoon's torn between smiling fondly or rolling his eyes also fondly.

"No."

Jungkook asks, anyway, a light smirk drawn on his lips, "What about people who aren't in relationships but have intense feelings towards each other, anyways? Is it like that with them, too?"

"They can fuck it out!" Zara yells, and sinks in her seat when the professor reprimands her. Namjoon starts to get confused, but he hides it well with an amused expression.