Siren's Call

Feelings

                True to Roach's assessment, it didn't take Geralt long to catch up to Jaskier. He'd run out of steam fairly quickly, and was sitting on a fallen tree, staring out into the forest. Geralt stopped a few feet from him, unsure if he should come any closer, or if it was even safe to do so. There was silence for a few moments, then Jaskier finally spoke, still staring straight ahead.

"I thought that I would die there. I...." He stopped talking again and Geralt remained silent, eventually he seemed to come to some sort of a decision. "yes I'm a siren and I have powers, but......I think if I could have escaped for real I would have done so, even if it meant killing all of them. The...the mage...he was powerful, and they kept me gagged most of the time anyway. I think when you found me was the first time I'd been able to speak freely, and that was just because he disappeared all night and they didn't dare mess with me." He stopped talking again and stared at the ground. "He probably took up with some girl or other, but it gave me a window, I was going to break out. I knew there was enough of them I couldn't fight them all but...." Jaskier trailed off again and he swallowed, shoulders hunching. "I couldn't take....I couldn't take being a captive, being.....well, let's call it what it is, being tortured for potion parts, they took so much of my blood I was unconscious most of the time. I figured....I figured even if I didn't make it out....I figured I could...." Jaskier stopped talking, staring at the ground.

Geralt shifted slightly, waiting patiently. When no continuation seemed forthcoming he prompted, "You could what?" It came out harsher than he intended, and he winced slightly, but Jaskier hardly seemed to notice.

"I figured I could at least get them to give me a quick death."

Geralt started calculating how far out from the town the band of travelers would have gone, given the direction they had probably gone and the relative slowness of their wagons compared to how fast a single rider on Roach could go. The large fellow with the sword might give some trouble, but the others weren't too formidable....he glanced up to see Jaskier looking sideways at him, Jaskier glanced back down when he made eye contact.

"I know you think I'm weak." He said, voice grim, "but I held out as long as I could....I didn't think....I thought I was on my own, that it didn't matter even if I escaped because they'd just track me down, and no one would want to help me."

A tear trickled down Jaskier's face. His voice caught. "I don't want your pity, Geralt, and I don't want your self-righteous mercy. Just leave me alone."

Geralt quietly sat down next to Jaskier. "The mage is dead."

"What?" Jaskier glanced up in confusion.

"You said he took up with some girl, he was killed by a kikimora."

Jaskier seemed startled for moment, then his face hardened. "Good."

Geralt sat beside him for a few moments more, he probably had a limited amount of time before Jaskier got some energy back and tried to bite him or something, but he couldn't rush this if he didn't want Jaskier to leave for good.

"I don't pity you."

Jaskier looked up again and his lips twitched into something resembling a smile for a moment, although there were tear tracks on his face. "I have to say, that seems like a change in subject from the dead mage thing. Are you actually attempting to apologize in your own emotionally stunted way?" His tone was lightly mocking, but there was still the hint of steel underneath it.

"Hmmm" nothing else for it now. "Yes. I was wrong to send you away, and I've never thought you were weak."

Jaskier blinked at him, seemingly startled out of the mask he'd been rebuilding. "You...what?"

"I looked into you, you're not the threat I thought you were. It was a mistake to send you away." Jaskier had a blank look on his face, and smelled of astonishment and old anger, there was a good chance he was going to get kicked in the shins again but Geralt barreled on. "What happened to you...it was my fault, it would never have happened if I had been with you, I should have protected you. I am sorry. If...if you wish, you can travel with me again, but I will take you back to the sea if you want to go there and be safe."

He stopped and stared off into the forest, suddenly feeling very tired. He had the sudden conviction that Jaskier was going to leave again, for good this time, go back to the sea where he was safe. And then he'd be left trudging on as he had been before, with the memory of blue eyes and a sparkling smile, and the knowledge that he'd been the one to take the smile out of the blue eyes, and the sparkle out of the smile. He waited for Jaskier to leave, or to yell at him, or to kick him in the shins again. Melitele knows he deserved it for what he'd caused to happen to him.

Arms were suddenly flung about him, and to his never-ending astonishment, Jaskier started messy sobbing into his chest.

Completely nonplussed, he stared down at the messy shock of black hair pressed into his shoulder. After a few moments, based on the general incoherent sobbing, and the tightness of the arms about his chest, he decided Jaskier was probably going to stay there for the foreseeable future. Cautiously, he brought his own arms up and rested his hands gently on Jaskier's back. He expected some kind of initial fear reaction, given what Jaskier had just been through, but the man didn't even flinch, and he smelled no fear on him for the first time since he'd rescued him.

"I *sniff* missed you Geralt!" Jaskier eventually choked out. "I thought..." more incoherent sobbing. "I thought I was never going to see you again, I thought I was going to die and then I'd never be able to go on more adventures with you and I never got to write a song about the frightener, that really is a ridiculous unimaginative name you know, because I was so upset about it, even though it had the easiest rhyming scheme out of everything you fought!" Jaskier sniffed dramatically and then choked on how hard he was crying and also probably his own snot. Okay then, Geralt thought in some confusion, Jaskier didn't appear to hate him, he just really needed a nap.

"And I never even found out what an Echidnae IS!" Jaskier wailed against him. "You wouldn't tell me, and I couldn't find anyone else that had ever even hear of it, and I thought you hated me, and Geralt, they took a lot of my blood, I don't even know what all they did to me, I can't use my powers all the way and I think that mage has something to do with it or maybe I'm just too weak right now." He subsided into more crying, and Geralt awkwardly patted his back. That was a whole mess of problems.

"An Echidnae's like a really big hedgehog that can shoot their spines." He could only vaguely remember mentioning it and then refusing to tell Jaskier any more about it as a way of messing with him. "I can't sense any spells or curses on you right now, you should be fine once you've rested, and I don't hate you."

Jaskier cried even harder and clung to him. Geralt held on a little tighter, he really was very young. He stood up and scooped him up. "We can deal with all that later, for right now you need to eat and sleep."

He was concerned Jaskier was going to shriek or bite him in protest of being told what to do, but he seemed too exhausted to notice. He turned into Geralt once more and continued to cry as Geralt carried him back to camp.

Jaskier really needed someone better with emotions than Geralt, but he would have to do his best for now.