What Makes A Hero

11

    
As the days came and went Izumi felt himself thinking more and more about what Nox had said. More and more about the probably-drug-induced dream he'd had. More and more about a pair of defeated already-dead eyes whose details he never seemed to fully remember. It was strange not remembering something entirely for once and he found he didn't like the feeling anymore than he did always remembering the particularly horrible mess-ups he made (which there were a lot of ranging from that humiliating calculation mistake on his latest exam- he had realized just right after he moved on, the part he'd messed up on was from several units ago! He should have knew it!- to that time he'd set his backpack down and it had nearly tripped Kacchan- he should have known that the other boy would turn when he had, he should have been more careful).

Helpless.

     Useless.

     Good-for-Nothing Deku.

     He had to do something.

When he moved it was as if a dream, or as if his brain was still catching up to what his body had already decided for him, but by the time he had reached the computer and turned it on all of him was on the same page and practically vibrating in anticipation, because finally, finally, he found something that he could do. He began looking up information starting with the completely legal things. When he got as far as he could using those routes, he began to learn to find the less legal things. Hacking that was, it wouldn't do to get caught though. So he had to learn.

Luckily for him, he had always been a quick learner and by dedicating all of his free time and energy to it- and with some mildly- or if he was being honest; extremely-  bewildered help from Nox- he had learnt all the basics he would need by the end of the school year. That summer he didn't take any courses- he was so far ahead, already nearing the end of high school rather than still in elementary like the others his age, none of the teachers pushed the issue too much when he said he wanted to work on growing some hobbies. Summer passed by in a blur and aside from the daily running and defense that Nox continued to insist on, Izumi did little else.

It was sometime during that summer Izum- Izuku gave up the still forming dream that was Kobayashi Izumi. He didn't deserve the tranquil happiness and safety the name had afforded him for far too few yet still too many years. As Izumi he was sheltered from the world, he had someone who would stand in front of him, stand in his defense, someone who would risk the world for him. And... and he didn't deserve that. He wasn't worth the world and he definitely shouldn't have distracted Nox from his mission, put the mission in jeopardy, like he had. It was stupid of him really. He should have just asked. Or.. or... he just shouldn't have done it.

And so Izumi had to go. But... but he couldn't bare going back to being weak, plain, and above all alone, gazing upward towards unreachable peaks from his personal chasm of suffering. He couldn't bare to be Izuku again. Not when Izuku meant he had only a failing dream and a world of adversity. So... so he didn't know. And that didn't matter. What did was that he needed to help them. He could figure out the rest later.

When fall came up, he kept up the now masquerade of Izumi and pushed through his classes more than ever, speeding through the last years of high school and taking the tests for college admission practically the moment he finished. Every spare moment was spent learning the ins and outs of computers and hacking, and to his growing frustration sparring with Nox.

Nox never seemed bothered by his increasingly short tempered behavior -short tempered for him anyway, he never snapped and rarely grumbled, just was redrawn, uncommunicative, and quick to scowl at times, the main problem was his self-hatred which would well up inside more and for longer than ever because he wasn't good enough. He never would be. If he was he would already be leaving.