Friends with benefits?

FINAL

Two months passed since what happened on my birthday. Even though it was still relatively a short span of time, I really felt like I healed. It wouldn't be like that if it wasn't for my psychologist, my friends and family, but most of everyone, Jungkook.
Every time I was with him, I felt happy, like all the bad things in my life never existed.
His smile, his soft caring voice and warm hugs never failed to give me the comfort I needed.
But even though my heart felt at ease, at the same time it didn't.
As he came back in my life, so did those confusing feelings that were sometimes so intense I couldn't sleep.
Each time we were together, my heart would start beating like crazy, my cheeks would turn as red as a tomato and I'd get the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.
I had those same feelings when I first realised I had crush on Jimin, but when I first saw Jungkook at the beginning of the summer and we started hanging out again, I got so many mixed emotions because of which I felt like I wasn't making the right decisions.
I'm not saying that my relationship with Jimin was fake, but sometimes it made me think if what I felt towards him was something more than a crush? Did I re want to be with him in the long-term.
It was Saturday night and I was currently lying on the bed with Jimin on top of me while making out.
This was actually the first time after two months that I felt I was ready to have sex again. Jimin and I tried a few times before, but as he would try to touch me in a more intimate way, I'd suddenly get traumatic flashbacks and would end up having panic attacks.
Of course he wasn't pressuring me and accepted the situation as it was, reassuring me that my mental health is the most important thing and that he'll help me get over the trauma as much as he can.
And so when I told him that night that I finally feel ready, the brightest smile appeared on his face but not because we'll finally have sex, but because he knew I was healing.
"Just tell me if it gets too much okay?" -he said breaking the kiss as I nodded.
His lips descended to my neck and collarbones, leaving slow wet kisses on every inch of my skin.
I tried to relax and enjoy in it, but a certain thought wouldn't stop bothering me.
Was this what I really wanted? What my heart felt like it was right?
"J-Jimin I c-can't..." -I said lightly pushing him away.
"Are you going through it?" -he asked with a worried face expression.
"N-No it's not about that." -I reassured him as he sighed in relief.
"What's the matter then?" -he asked, my heart beating incredibly fast, my palms sweating, my lungs feeling heavy because of the pressure my thoughts were giving to me.
"I don't think I want this Jimin." -I finally spoke after a few moments of silence, a stabbing pain piercing my heart because of the fact that I'll have to break Jimin's.
"What??"
"Continue being with you... I'm not saying that getting with you was a mistake, but I just recently realised that what I felt towards you was nothing more than a crush..." -I said as a tear ran down my cheek.
He didn't speak for a few minutes which made me worry about what his reaction was gonna be like.
"I understand it." -he finally spoke.
"Y-You do?"
"Yeah... When we first started dating, I felt like we were really meant for each other but as the time passed by, that feeling was fading away. I was never able to make you as happy as him."
"W-Who?"
"Jungkook... You are the ones who are meant for each other but obviously both of you were too dumb to notice it." -he laughed, making me laugh too.
"Don't cry Y/N, everything's fine." -he smiled as he hugged me tightly.
"I'm so sorry for wasting your time."
"Wasting my time?? Y/N, these past few months were absolutely the best time of my life! You're the first one with whom I actually had a serious relationship and the one who thought me so much things about myself and others. I'd never change what we had even if I could."
"You're making me look like a good person when I'm actually not!"
"That's not true! You're the most beautiful, kind, warm-hearted and caring person I have ever met! I would't trade you for nothing!"
"Jimin..." -I said and started sobbing again, burying my face in his chest.
"Can you promise me that we'll remain good friends?" -he asked.
"We've always been that."
"Good. Now go and get your man already!"
"But what if he doesn't like me like that anymore?"
"He doesn't like you Y/N, he's madly in love with you! Trust me when I tell you, no matter how hard he tried to get over you, he couldn't. Your heart belongs to him the same way his belongs to you."
"I don't deserve you.."
"Stop saying that! Now go! He might already fell asleep because it's almost midnight!"
"Thank you so much." -I smiled at him as I opened the door of his room.
"Be happy Y/N. And drive safely!" -he smiled too and with that I left.
I got inside my car, took a deep breath and headed towards Jungkook's house.
I've never been more nervous in my life, I felt like my heart will jump out of my chest due to how fast it was beating.
A few minutes before I arrived to his house, I called him to see if he was awake and he was, so I told him I'm on my way to his house without saying anything more.
As I arrived, I walked to his doorstep and called him again to tell him that I'm here. I didn't want to rang the bell since it was already past midnight.
"What are you doing here? You were supposed to be at Jimin's right?" -he asked confused while ruffling his hair.
"No. I'm supposed to be with you."
"What?"
"I'm tired of denying it to myself... I love you Jungkook. I always loved only you." -I said while looking into his eyes but then immediately looked down as I finished my sentence.
I felt my body trembling as it was already winter at this time and even though I was wearing warm clothes, the feeling of nervousness overtook my entire body.
"It's fine if you don't feel the same anymore... I was too dumb to realise it then but-" -I couldn't finish my sentence because I suddenly felt his hands around my waist and his head leaning on my shoulder.
"I never stopped loving you."
"Y-You didn't?"
"I just kept falling for you more than I already did." -he chuckled as be both looked at each other.
"So, what do we do now?" -I chuckled too.
"I can finally kiss you again?"
"Yeah you can." -I giggled as he wrapped one of his hands around my neck and brought my face closer to his and pressed his lips on mine.
I felt myself melting into the kiss and after a few minutes that seemed like seconds, we slowly broke the kiss, giggling like little kids while trying to catch some air.

"I love you."