Let's Start Afresh

4. The TALK

I was elated that Nandu agreed to hear me out, even if it was on Aru's insistence. Her continuous denials were weakening my confidence. I was running out of ways to convince her to listen to me. If it wasn't for Aru, I don't know what I would have done. Aru and I are cousins to be precise. Her parents died in an accident when she was young. Since we were her closest of kins, she was brought to our house to be taken care of. Similar to my condition, her responsibility was assigned to a caretaker too. All my parents cared about was their so-called status. We are a happy family to an outsider, after all our pretence is very convincing. Devoid of love and affection at the time when she needed the most, Aru was having difficulty coming in terms with the reality. Situations gave us reasons to establish a good rapport with each other. Since then, she is the dearest to me and matters the most. I lose my calm if things go wrong with her. I became a protective shield in her life.

"Hello! I'm waiting here." Nandu chidded when there was no response from my side for a while.

"Nandu! I can see that you're more disappointed in me than hurt. No actions of mine were meant to be intentional that day. You were only supporting Aru, and you very well know how I react when it's related to Aru."

Before I could continue further, she interrupted me, shouting, "You gotta be kidding me! Seriously Manik! I care about Aru too. I didn't go all monster on people, without providing them an opportunity to speak. She chose Varun. So what??? It's her life Manik, and she has every right to make her decision-"

"That man gave me ample reasons to straight away reject him." I retorted, interrupting her. I despised him. Though it all started over petty college fights, he was certainly not the man I wanted in my sister's life. To top it all, he was a business rival then. I had every right to suspect his intentions behind my sister's so-called relationship with him.

"I agree, we all had our concerns related to Varun initially. Unlike you, we took meticulous measures to be free from scepticism regarding their relationship. But You! Mr. Malhotra had to act immature... create havoc for reasons best known to you alone." she spoke indignantly.

"I..." In a way she was right. I could have handled the matter in a better way. It's just that, then, I was blinded by my hatred towards that man and love for my sister.

"No comebacks? Okay! For a moment let's just pretend none of this happened. I'll forget every mean statement hurled on me... In fact I'll even forgive you for all those times I was hurt. But what about that particular day, when you 'politely' asked me to get out of your life? What about that moment, when you broke our engagement? So easily! Do you have justifications even for those times...Do you?", she demanded with an accusatory look.

I was left speechless. I wish I could erase them from our life. I wish I had little sense at that time, to realise how my actions would be affecting our lives. It's just that, I couldn't digest the fact that my Nandu stood against me, supporting that man, though technically she was taking sides of Aru. Even after ignoring her days together in order to avoid any conversations related to that of Varun, Nandu had taken a chance to talk me out of the situation. Her consent towards their relationship and mainly she being supportive of Varun, pushed wrong buttons and I lost it. I blabbered things which were untrue. My actions were meant to inflict pain that I was experiencing because of her. I did stuff out of rage. I regret it all, truely.

"You wanted to talk, right? What happened now? Speak up!" Immense pain was masked behind her anger.

"I'm sorry, Nandu. I mean it. Trust me when I say this, nothing that happened on that day was intentional. No! I never had such thoughts or intentions in any corner of mind. You were going on and on about Varun, praising him, I... I didn't like it. You not taking my side was pissing me off. I ended up acting foolishly. I regret every bit of it. Nandu! Please, tell me what I can do to change things between us. Without you, it has not been the same. You very well know, I care for you just like I do for Aru. You mean so much to me. I agree that I've never been vocal about my feelings and that gives you reasons to doubt my feelings towards you after all the fiasco that has happened."

"Another chance! A chance to make things right.", she spoke mockingly. I nodded in affirmation.

"Did you?" she asked.

"Did I what?" I asked, being confused.

"Did you give me one, when I desperately asked for it? Did you, before breaking ties with me forever? You just declared and I had to agree. Isn't it how it has been working?"

"Nandu-"

"No Manik! I've had enough of this pain. It's become unbearable for me. No matter what you say or do can make things better for us."

"So what do you suggest then? Leave you on your own? Let you be the way you've been behaving lately? Don't give me that surprised look. I very well know what you've been doing, how well you are caring for yourself. Though I had been an idiot to not approach you sooner, I did keep a watch on you. How can I not? You are my best friend before a lover. I care for you, Nandu. I really do."

"Best friend! Where was my 'best friend' when I needed him the most?" She chuckled sadly.

"I agree I made a mistake. I'm apologising, Nandu. I don't know what else to do. You are neither accepting my apology nor giving me a way to make things right. What am I supposed to do? You're driving me crazy lady." I spoke being frustrated.

"I'm driving you crazy? Really Manik! I was not the one who made this mess. You were the one. You hurt me real bad. You killed even the last hope, I'd in our relationship. And now, look at you accuse me. Fine! Like old times let me do you a favour. Again. I accept your apology with all due respect. Will that allow you to rest this matter?"

"No! I want you to have me back in your life." I spoke in a firm tone.

"That is something that I'm incapable of doing now."

"Then give me a way to make you capable."

"There is none!"

"There's always a way, Nandu. There is. Always."

"This time, I don't think so, Manik." she sighed dejectedly.

"Are you ending our relationship?" I spoke after a prolonged silence.

"I didn't! You did... Long back.", she spoke with hurt in her tone.

"I'm trying to make up for my wrongdoing. But it seems you've given up on us."

"You left me with no means to hang on."

"So, it's a dead end, then?" I asked hanging on to whatever hope was left in me.