Aster and The Leopards

Lacuna

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Sometimes, Aster stared at the blinking cursor and wondered if she was an imposter. She read somewhere that this feeling of not belonging between successful peers was the result of a psychological pattern of self-doubt, the imposter syndrome. It doesn't matter, Fares, just focus. What really mattered was that she had to deliver a brilliant 20 thousand words piece before the next week, and at that moment the Evernote app glared back at her with a mean "0 words" gaze. The worst possible moment to figure out she needed therapy.

After rubbing her hands on her face until it turned red with friction, she decided to go through Cara's album again while Wonderland by The Leopards played on her Spotify. The piece they were working on was a glance at the band's "private" lives, and the pictures portrayed the three band members – Jesse, Maxine, and Austin – lounging in a hotel room. One of them, Aster's personal favorite, was the only spontaneous picture of the bunch: Maxine Finlay was relaxing after her session, her long legs sprawled all over the leather couch, eyes fixed on the ceiling, open notebook over her chest and the eraser tip of a BIC pencil between her lips. She was still wearing the photoshoot outfit – flared trousers that looked just a little bit questionable, white shirt and black blazer –, but her 80s styled hair was a wreck because of how frequently she ran her fingers through the blonde strands. Aster was there when Cara took this picture. She was the one who poked Cara's shoulder, risking a scold from the photographer, and pointed in Finlay's direction.

Aster wondered, now, if the song she was writing when the picture was taken was anything as good as Wonderland. She did not doubt it since Maxine Finlay had a habit of outdoing herself. Not that Aster was a fan. She was not.

Of course, her favorite picture did not make the cut. Despite Aster's whines and pouts, she knew it did not fit with the rest of the photoshoot. The colors were wrong, the lighting was off, and it felt almost... personal. Too personal for a Culture Club article. She felt too shy to even ask for Finlay's e-mail and send her the picture, so she just left it to gather dust in the TheLeopards_Photoshoot_October folder. But now she needed inspiration, and Maxine was the only lacuna on her knowledge about the band.

Well, she still did not know the girl's e-mail, but she had Jesse's number, which was good enough for now. Jesse Antonoff was the lead singer, and bassist, but he was on the keyboards sometimes and Aster was pretty sure he was an excellent producer. He was also Aster's ex, but she refused to let that detail make itself relevant. They dated for almost an entire month, which was probably Jesse's personal record, and it ended with a couple of drunken texts at three a.m. on a Friday night: "thiz isnt workin isit?" "i don think it is man" – which, if you asked Aster, was as civil and friendly as a break-up can be. They did not really keep in touch, but Aster still had some privileges as "the only journalist I'll trust messing around my tour bus," as he once told her. So, it was worth the one-month stain on Aster's love life.

Five minutes after she sent him a text with the picture, Jesse's name reappeared on her phone screen with a call. Awesome.

"Hi, Jesse. Did you receive the picture I sent you?" Aster asked, knowing very well he received it, but wanting to cut to the point. She rotated on her office chair and stared at the dotted New York night sky.

"Yeah, I just did. I'm forwarding it to Maxine right... now. You said you wanted to talk to her about her songwriting?"

Aster was straining her ears to hear Jesse's voice. There was so much background noise, she suspected he was at a party. Well, of course, what else would Jesse be doing at any given time?