Harry Potter meets A very potter musical (,Disconnected)

chapter 3 - Scene 3

Hermione: time for scene 3.
Harry: this the sorting. I think

The students take seats on the benches, with Gryffindors on stage right and everybody else on stage left. Ron is eating in almost every scene, and in this one he’s eating some kind of noodle dish in Styrofoam. 
Dumbledore: Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter. He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby. He’s even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it. And another very special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny -‘scuse me- Ms. Ginny Weasley.

Harry blushes in embarrassment at being called Dumbledore's favourite. The slytherins in the room and Hermione roll their eyes. Ron laughs at what happened to Ginny

Ginny: (stands up) Um, yeah, I’m a girl, and, um, also, aren’t we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat? (Sits down)
Dumbledore: Uh, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. Basically I’ve just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anyone who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don’t really care.

Hermione: thats not true
Dumbledore: yes we know that

Cedric: (stands up) Hufflepuff are particularly good finders!
Dumbledore: What the HECK is a Hufflepuff? 

All the teenagers in the room burst out laughing

Cedric smiles awkwardly for a moment then sits down. 
Dumbledore: Anyways, it is time now for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions professor, Mr. Severus Snape.
Ron: Aw, Snape? I’d hoped they’d fired that guy!
Ginny: What’s wrong with Professor Snape?
Ron: Uh, nothing, he’s just, uh, evil! 

Severus: I'm not evil

Severus Snape enters. 
Harry: C’mon, Ron, he’s really not that bad. I mean-
Professor Severus Snape: Harry Potter! Detention!
Harry: (Stands up) What?
Snape: For talking out of turn! 

Harry: that happens a lot

Harry sits back down. 
Snape: Now, before we begin, I’m going to give you all your very, very first pop quiz. 
Everybody groans, except for Hermione, who cheers. 
Hermione: Yes!

Harry/ron: of course you like pop quiz
Hermione: what?
Harry/ron: nothing

Snape: Can anyone tell me what a portkey is?
Hermione: Oo! (She raises her hand)
Snape: Yes, Ms. Granger.
Hermione: A portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touch it to anywhere on the globe decided upon by the enchanter.
Snape: Very good! Now can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? 
Hermione raises her hand again. 
Snape: Yes, Ms. Granger.

Draco: professor snape would never answer her twice
Hermione: I can't believe I'm saying this. But malfoy is right.
Dumbledore and tom look at severus

Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned earlier in the story to return later in a more significant way.
Snape: Perfect!
Ron: What’s a portkey again? I missed that one.
Hermione: A portkey is something that when you touch it it’ll transport you anywhere.
Ron: (Over Hermione) Not you! Ah, never mind.

Hermione: why not me Ronald?
Ron: no reason

Snape: And remember, a portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object, like, a football, or a dolphin!
Lavender: Professor?
Snape: Yes?
Lavender: Can, like, a person be a portkey?
Snape: No, that’s absurd. ‘Cause then if that person we’re to touch themselves, (looks meaningfully at Ron) they would constantly be transported into different places.