𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐒. ᵒᵘᵗᵉʳ ᵇᵃⁿᵏˢ ¹

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 21.

━ 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗪𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗸

𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐒𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐊𝐈𝐀𝐑𝐀 to drop me off at the end of Kingsley street.

Since my grandparents were told I was hanging out with Sarah Cameron, I would be thrown questions if they saw a dirty brown van pulling up outside their home— something in which a rich person certainly did not drive. I didn't know if they were awake, if they were waiting for me in the living room like the last time I had come home late, or if they were already sleeping. I did not know what time it was.

The car ride was mostly quiet, the radio simply playing in the background softly as we turned and drove down empty streets, no other cars or vehicles around us. At one point, I had closed my eyes, almost fell asleep, and thought about John B. I had never kissed a boy before.

Back in New York, there was only one boy my age who lived in my building. His apartment was one floor below mine, and the first time I had ever seen him, was when Anne was taking me to get groceries when I was nine. We never hung out, and I only saw him when Anne happened to take me somewhere (which was occasional), because my parents wouldn't let me talk to him. They were always afraid that I'd spill information I wasn't supposed to. I never knew his name, but still he was still the closest thing I had ever had to making friends. He moved away when I was twelve.

Because my life had morally consisted of staying inside, by myself, no social interaction with kids my age, I had resulted to the next best thing, which was watching movies and shows about love and romance. But when John B almost kissed me, everything I had ever thought about, had vanished. For years, I dreamed about my first kiss, when I would fall in love, like how it happens to the people in the movies, how I would feel, and when it almost happened that night, every scenario I had ever made in my mind up until then— had disappeared. I couldn't decide how to feel about my possible first kiss being with John B.

It felt like everything had somehow shifted. Everything. I didn't want to look at him different, I was going to try not to, but when I closed my eyes and thought about him, while sitting in his van and wearing his sweater, my stomach began to swarm with butterflies again. It made me smile, but still, I didn't know what to do about it. It was only my first week on the island, the first week of summer, and the first week of the next year I'd be spending in Kildare County.

    Caroline and Daryl were asleep when I had slipped into my bedroom and shut the door. I had kept John B's sweater on, as I climbed into bed. It smelled of the ocean and vanilla.

    "Okay, bug," I heard Caroline shout from the living room, as usual, "We're on our way!"

    Now, I was sitting on my bed with a book in my hands, in the middle of the day, the time that they normally left— to go to the motel. I stepped onto the floor, and walked into the kitchen to say goodbye like every other day.

    When I had woken up, earlier than anticipated, Caroline had made pancakes again. She asked about my time with Sarah, and I lied about the whole thing, talking over breakfast about all the things we "did".

    "What time are you guys home at?" I asked with a comfortable voice, while leaning my arms along the top rim of the dining chair. Daryl was already outside, placing the cardboard boxes they'd brought in the day before, into the cargo bed of the beige truck.

    "The usual," she huffed, while sliding on her last shoe. "I promise this is our last day cleaning up at the motel," her face softened into a sad look as she approached me, "Then we'll be home a bit more during the week."