feel it still

base one | twister

❛ if your bridge to success collapses,

don't fret.

built a new one. ❜

【CHAPTER ONE, twister 】

"Why can't I make her happy?"

I breathe heavily, my chest moving up and down. I flex my fingers, inspecting the bruises and calluses marking the palm of my hands. The Training Centre seems to be spinning around me and I cannot stand still in one place.

"Why won't she be content with the kind of person I am?" 

A bead of perspiration slides down my forehead as my panting slowly resides. The world fails to come back into focus, however, but at least the spinning has halted. I gasp and wipe my upper lip, getting ready for a hit.

"Why should love be so fucking expensive?"

I punch the blue sandbag dangling before my eyes as hard as I can, jolting it into motion. "Shut the fuck up, please," I beg, looking past my shoulder at a man with icy blonde hair. "This isn't the time for your personal dilemmas, hyung."

As I face my back to him once again, the swinging motion of the sandbag does nothing to stop my world from spinning. Unfortunately, I think to myself, the world stops spinning for only a moment before everything is flung into motion once again. The Earth might tip over and send me teetering over the edge into a black void consisting of milky stars and galaxies. I feel the most unfocused today than I have in months.

As someone's hand clasps my shoulder, I jump. I meet the hazel eyes of Ki-taek, and look him up and down. His newly dyed blonde hair is a bit hard to take in, and it doesn't suit him at all. It never had. However, Ki-taek does what he wants. He is the most impulsive person I know and even though I am younger, I know I can get out of trouble better than him, for the most part.

"Hey, Hwan. What's going on with you today? Why are you ignoring my dilemmas about love? You even dared to swear at me, your elder." He grins at that part, but I can see the concern lacing his eyes. Another thing about him: he cannot hide his feeling to save his life; meanwhile, I am a champion at holding my poker face.

"You aren't that much older than me," I begin to say, but his eyes narrow. "Eight years really isn't that much!" I laugh out, receiving a sharp knock on my back. Ki-taek hyung is also confusing, and his double standards are just as confusing: one minute he'll scold you for thinking that thirty-two is too old, and the next he'll insist that thirty-two is too old.

He barks out a short laugh as I flinch from the hit. "Don't be a wussy, Hwan. But are you okay? You look a bit too ... sweaty," He says, the same look of concern crossing over his face. I hate the fact that he should have to babysit for me and worry about me and take care of me all the time, when he should be getting married to a nice woman and settling down. I grit my teeth.

Then I proceed to roll my eyes, because that is a typical Do-hwan thing to do, and I don't want him to see that I am not fine. "The reason why Ha-na noona doesn't want you anymore is because an artful writer like her has no business with a basketball player like you, hyung." I inch closer to him and whisper in his ear teasingly, "She doesn't love you anymore."

Because that is a typical Do-hwan like thing to say, because I like making fun of people. I wonder if hyung ever takes these small digs personally, and just tries to hide it. I feel like an awful person right now, because I know I have not been a good friend to anyone. My insides twist a bit more.

Ki-taek touches him chest with his left arm right where his heart should be and says, "Ouch. That hurts." Then he laughs, because he knows I was only joking. Because he knows that Kwak Do-hwan likes to joke about others' misfortune.

The twister rages on inside me, turning my world topsy-turvy.

I am plagued with guilt for once.

I feel like I'm a horrible person, and I know that I am right.

Ki-taek hyung slings his arm across my shoulder and smiles at me. I smile back at him, and try to hide the fact that I feel nauseous. 

The twister continues to rage even as we leave the Training Centre.