Don't Fall (PJO FF)

16.) The Dark Secret pt. 2: Sadistic

C H A P T E R  S I X T E E N
**mentions of suicide, self-harm, abuse, murder, and a lot of blood**

PERCY

As it turns out, I didn't have to tell them anything yesterday. We all got pulled into a bunch of different camp activities and chores and by the time we were free, it was already time for lights out. That was actually a huge relief for me because I have no idea how to tell my best friends that I killed my step-dad.

Sure, I told Nico but he's my mate and that naturally makes it easier to talk to him. And maybe I was a little glad that he didn't hate me. But only a little bit!

If the rest of the pack didn't want to talk to me after this then I won't stop them. I lied to them for years when packs are supposed to be honest with each other and not have such big secrets. Everyone is supposed to be open but that's not how I am. I was always a secretive child. I loved keeping things to myself because I thought that if people knew more about me then they would find out my secret.

Will was one person who didn't take no as an answer. He and Luke. They were both people that forced themselves into my life and befriend me. Luke had proposed a deal because he knew I was keeping something from him. He told me that if I tell him my secret then he'd tell me his. Who would have thought that they would be so similar? We got super close after that and often spend the night or weekend at each other's house. He wasn't as close to me as Will was and he had his mate, Ethan with him at Camp Half-Blood.

Then they both died. I was really out of it after that and I guess that's what triggered me to kill Gabe. I hated him because of what he did to me but I also hated that Luke got himself killed. I was so full of anger that when he came up to me I just snapped.

If Luke was still alive I wonder what he would've said about it. He would have been the first to know other than my mother. I would have told him and we could have helped each other. But I had no one. I still remember my mom's terrified face as she looked at the blood gushing from Gabe's wounds. She tried her best to avoid me after that. She worked late and went out with her friends. I stayed at home by myself a lot and was left to watch the scene of killing Gabe every time I closed my eyes. That's when I learned that cutting and hurting myself would make it all better. And I was fine with that. Because I deserve it. I killed him so I should pay for what I did. So what if he was an abusive dick that gained happiness when he saw me in pain? That doesn't justify killing him, so when the police said that I would leave scotch-free I was majorly disappointed. I wanted to be punished for what I had done. But it didn't happen and I got even madder. That only caused me to hurt myself even more. I had stopped eating and taking care of myself. When the pack had finally noticed, they tried everything they could to make me eat. At first, I would just pretend to eat and then throw it up because every time I ate I felt sick. It had gotten so bad and then one day my mom started talking to me again.

Although she never brought up what had happened I could tell it still weighed her down. But I didn't care about that. She had finally started acting like my mom again. I didn't feel as alone anymore. She made me eat so I started small. Maybe a small snack a day. Over time I could pull off a whole meal and then something small.

I had told them that I stopped cutting. I told them that I didn't throw up my food anymore. I told them I was sleeping. I told them I was doing better.

I lied. I cut at least four times a day just to keep myself sane. When I ate something I would still throw it up because I just felt sick with myself. Every night my dreams were plagued with nightmares about Gabe. Add a little bit of Tartarus in that and you've got yourself a mentally unstable demigod werewolf who hates everything about himself and thought that the only good he could do was to just die.