Room 93 (FIRST DRAFT)

Day 20

I fumble in the darkness still feebly looking for anyone else. I don't even know how long it's been since the darkness fell but if I fall into the belief that no one is there then I'll break down. I need everyone with me. I hate to think that they could be alone. Alone in the darkness that's surrounding us. All I know right now is that Laya is going to die.

Her breathing is coming out rasped, fear taking her over and contorting her so she has become ridged and terrified, unable to move. It must be almost her time. How will this room murder her? This is slowly becoming more and more sick and twisted. Fear has always been our enemy, always since the dawn of time. A beast untamed, a thirst unquenched, an infinite darkness spiralling around us. True fear rips us apart where we stand. To be fearless is to be dead, life is fear in itself. That's what I have learnt from what I remember. Living creates fear. Once you've conquered one another one comes along.

Laya's foot touches my bare wrist as we lay on the floor, bathed in utter darkness. I can tell she finds some form of comfort in my presence. Some flicker of light in the darkness surrounding her. I find that solace within me too. The feeling of her there with me calms me down, although I don't know her too well.
'Laya,' I shiver in the darkness as she flinches away from me, unsure for a while. The silence frightens me for a moment or two. Everything seems still and empty.
'Liz?' She whispers. If there hadn't been complete silence I wouldn't have heard her. The word is little more than a breath.
'Do you have memories? Or vivid dreams.' I try to distract her. Perhaps talking to her will calm her and help her conquer her fear of the dark. Maybe, if I distract her, she'll live. We could beat this room.
'A few. Mostly of me and Maggie. I see us with our parents. We were happy. Everything went wrong though Liz. I remember freezing, knowing there was nothing I could do to protect Maggie,' she seems a little different, her emotions soothing from complete overwhelming terror to a throbbing pain. I can't imagine what it would be like for Laya. My memories never involved me being helpless to protect anyone but me.
'I have had them too. I remember a sister. Amelie. Sometimes when things get tough I feel the only thing that keeps me going is the idea that when I escape she might be there - waiting for me. I like to believe that she has been searching for me.' A strange sense takes over. What if she isn't looking for me? What if she's already forgotten me? For all I know she could have been glad to be rid of me. I dragged her down. I can feel it. I never made much of an impact in this world. Without Amelie no one will remember me. It'll be as if I never existed.
'She is. I know it. If you were my sister or if it was Maggie that was missing I'd stop at nothing to find her. No matter who your sister is she's looking for you.' Laya went and did the one thing I thought she never could. She cheered me up! Our hushed breaths drag out into the silence. We are alone now aren't we. Alone in the room of horrors. The room brings a nostalgic sense of déjà vu. The idea of your fears being locked in a room. The punishment of facing those fears. Something tickles the edge of my consciousness but then like a bad dream it fades into dust in the wind.

The dream falls naturally, like a feather floating to the ground. I feel the cold grass below my toes. Grass. So this is what it feels like, springy and green. Deep colours melting my vision.
'This is amazing!' I giggle and wriggle my toes and feel the grass tickling them the same way daddy used to tickle my toes. Amelie giggles with me, watching closely to make sure I didn't vanish. Her eyes sparkle and she pulls me into a hug.
'So you like grass, huh?' She pulls up  a few blades of grass and throws it in the air, letting them rain down on me. I burst with joy as it gets tangled in my hair. The garden looks huge to me but apparently it's a small garden. Amelie says that the last garden was bigger than this. It feels huge though. It's bigger than my basement room.
'This is the first time I've properly been outside, first time I have felt the grass on my feet. Last time I went out we only went on concrete then earlier today I went in the car.' I count up the number of times I have been in the car the way daddy and Amelie taught me. That's...
'... three! Three times I have been outside - counting now!' I beam up at her and she beams back.

I feel giddy with excitement and the fresh air. Evey colour is illuminated and shines like small diamonds holding me in the spotlight. Amelie is watching me quietly, beaming with as much joy as me. I always felt she understood me better than the others. I can feel their glares ricocheting off of me. Ma and Hannah. Josh is no where to be seen but nothing matters because I'm outside! Finally, after all this time, I'm outside - at its better than I imagined.
***
Screaming. It peirces my bubble and throws me back to reality. Away from everything I once had. Laya's beside me, her hands batting away an unseen enemy. I reach for her with my spindly red hands but everything is numbed. I cant feel her icy skin beneath my fingers or the rough material of her tattered reeking clothes. Her face glows through the darkness . Sheet white with a sheen of sweat, every muscle contorted and writhing in the fear she is feeling, everything reflected in her face.

Something stirs from in the cavernous darkness. A knife protrudes out the thick curtain of nothing. The sharpened metal glints somehow in the darkness. My throat constricts as I see the icy metal - my pulse is raising and I can feel everything getting lighter. I'm struggling for breath at just the sight of the polished metal. I can feel my abdomen aching and everything shutting down because of the knife. Why is it here? Laya's fear is of the dark, not knives. That's when it dawns on me: fear of the dark is fear of the unknown. The knife isn't the fear it's everything it represents, the suffering and inability to protect those you love. The fear of who is holding that knife on the other side of that curtain that separates reality and fear.

The blade shuffles closer and closer to my friend. She's shaking so much I don't think she can move or stop. I'm trying to reach out but my own fear is paralysing me. Why did it have to be a knife? WHY ?!
'LIZ!!!!' She's screaming and crying and I'm just sitting here watching her in pain. Why won't I help her?!
'Laya?!' I call out to her, 'Laya! I can't move!' I sound calmer than I feel. It feels like everything is crumbling and I am helpless again. Just like with Darren and Alexia and Jason, the people who I could have helped - maybe even saved - but I didn't. Jason who drowned in my arms, Alexia hung from the ceiling in front of me and Darren. Darren who asked for my help but to whom I refused it. I saved myself rather than him. Is this how it's always going to end?

I scrunch my eyes tightly and cry. She screams again and I catch a glimpse of the bloody knife through my straining eyelids. Everything feels like it's shutting down, my throat and heart especially. The pain won't leave and doesn't leave a mark. Not like the knife. I run my fingers over the scar that I know lurks on my skin. My arms prickle but I just cry harder letting everything run down my face. All the pain, anger and guilty - wearing it like a smile or a frown. Tears are my armour. They make me stronger with each blow.

Everything falls