A Fire In The Night

Chapter 13

The peacefulness of Ander's breath next to her only contributed to her unease. His body was pressed against her back, chest regularly rising and falling to the pace of his dreams. His arm wrapped around Ila's bare breasts felt unnatural to her, out of place. She gently picked it up and rested it next to his head, then soundlessly stood up and got dressed. As soon she stepped into the night, the cold air felt refreshing. It was as if her lungs could fill up fully again. With trembling hands, she took a piece of wood from the pile that hours ago had been a fire and lit it at one end in order to drive the dark away. Even though she had just been with a man, Ila felt more alone than before. The Brute's deal was still haunting her conscience. Torn between what was right for her and what was morally right, she started wandering around the camp without a clear destination. A part of her knew exactly what she was looking for. Mors. Their encounter was always during the night, so maybe if she looked hard enough she would be able to find him. She wandered between the tents, the torch in her hands casting long shadows on the sand as she moved. Maybe if she found the exact same spot where she met Mors the first time, he will be there waiting for her. Ila found it hard to orientate herself, however. She had followed him so blindly into the night that she now realized she had no idea what direction they went. She wanted to avoid Nathan's tent, for she feared he would see the light and come see who it was. She still wasn't ready to face him. Passing the Brute's tent was also an absolute no go and the thought of walking by the tent where Ander laid naked was making the pit of her stomach twist with a feeling she couldn't quite name. She did a quick spin to look around which way she could go. There was only one way left she could go, being sure she would avoid all three of them. It was a new moon that night, so Ila couldn't really see anything further than the couple feet in front of her which were lit by her torch. Not totally convinced that this was a good idea, Ila started to make her way away from the camp. Even though she couldn't see him, Ila could feel that Mors was somewhere nearby. As if some kind of force was pulling her to him.

Ila had come to learn that the nights were particularly cold in the desert, so she had rapidly grabbed Ander's leather jacket before walking out. His scent lingered in all the creases of the material, making Ila feel like she was still wrapped around his arms. Even after days of living in this dusty place, he still somehow managed to always smell like jasmine. A feeling of unease brushed trough Ila's whole body and she had the urge to take it off. She didn't stop walking to do it. She moved the torch from one hand to another while undressing first one arm, then the other, letting the jacket at the end fall in the sand behind her with little thought about it or Ander for that matter. She was now so sure she was walking towards Mors, that she was really close to him, her steps started to get a little quicker and her breath a little heavier. Ila's fear of the monster that attacked the soldier seemed to have disappeared. For whatever reason, she felt safe at the thought she was going to be with Mors. While wandering aimlessly through the dark, the light of her torch fell on a flower. Ila stopped and crunched down to look closer. It was not the typical desert bush, shrunken and parched, but actually a real flower. In one of the cracks of the arid ground, scorched every day by the withering sun, emerged four green stems, carrying multiple pale purple flowers. Ila was so taken aback from the beauty of the plant that she reached her hand out towards its blooms to touch the only form of life she had come to see here. As soon as the tip of her finger touched the tender petals, the flowers changed their color to a vivid crimson, glowing in the dark brighter than Ila's torch. Mesmerized by this curious creation of nature, Ila moved closer, face so close to the plant that she could now feel the heat on her cheeks.

Was—? Was it burning?

"Peculiar little thing, isn't it?"

Startled by the sudden presence next to her, Ila dropped her torch in the sand next to her, putting it almost immediately out. The flower was burning so bright, however, that it lit the dark around her enough for her to recognize Mors standing over her.

"It's called the burning bush, the fugleman of nature itself one could say."

"Mors..." Ila's voice was soft upon speaking, similarly to how one would say a lover's name. She stood up, trying to reach the level of his eyes. Once again she was surprised by his figure in the dark. He was so slender and tall, that she wasn't sure if she was looking into his eyes or at the stars above.

"I really need your advice."

"Hm..." 

The sound of this small exclamation was more like he let out a breath, moving the deepens of his dark eyes to look into hers. It was enough to give Ila chills down her spine.

"You have to keep in mind that these people here are trained killers. They will stop at nothing to achieve their goals. They're not your friends, no matter how much you wish they would be. These people, Ila, they're not like you."

As he said her name his hand caressed the skin under her chin, gently lifting her head up towards his. Ila closed her eyes at the touch. Despite his freezing skin on hers, Ila felt all warm inside. She asked herself how she could trust the most this man, who she only met a couple of times, who was nowhere to be found every time she searched for him in the camp. She wanted to ask him that, she wanted to get to know him, to grow closer to him. With terror, she realized she wanted to lay with him the way she had laid with Ander. How was she all of a sudden torn between not two, but three men?! Pure anger started to rise inside of Ila. She was so annoyed that she was stuck here, stuck between impossible decisions and so many feelings she never felt all at once, let alone for so many people. Mors hand was still laying under her chin, and his fingers brushing on her skin ripped her out of her thoughts, almost instantly calming her.

"Your moral values don't apply in this place, Ila."

As she opened her eyes again to look intones one more time she found herself alone. She turned around looking for him, but could only see darkness around her. The plant at her right foot had also stopped burning and was carrying its beautiful flowers once again as if it had never been on fire. Ila got used to Mors disappearing into thin air when it pleased him, but the one thing she could not explain at the moment was the torch she had carried out there still half buried in the sand, but burning with a flame so big that it could have been mistaken for the sun itself. With more questions than she came looking for Mors, she picked the torch up and made her way back to the camp.