My Personal Songbook (PT 1)

Baby Girl

TW: Mentions of blood, general drunk behavior, trauma, and domestic abuse

I remember when you crawled into the backseat of the car

While Andi was still driving, you just undid your seatbelt and got in the back

Right next to me,

You said "baby girl

No one understands me

Except you"

And what was an 9-year old supposed to say to that?

You started to sing me lullabies

So out of your usual behavior

I wanted to get away from you

I don't want to be near you

Don't call me "baby girl"

Don't sing me lullabies

Your method of coping

Just gives me trauma

Because I am not a toddler anymore,

We don't need to go back to the way things used to be.

I remember when you fell down the stairs

Despite me warning you beforehand

Because I found you

Passed out under my brother's bed

And I helped you upright

And I stayed next to you even though I didn't really want to,

And after the fact, with blood dripping down your head and onto my nightgown you said:

"Baby girl

Stay here with me"

And you mumbled under your breath

Sang a lullaby to me

I didn't want to hear or see...

Don't call me baby girl

It brings up memories

Don't apologize for your "little mistakes"

Because that just brings me back,

I was your closest confidant

And also your little baby because

You tried to make things go back to the way they were before...

No more.

Don't call me baby girl

Don't call me baby girl

If I hear your voice not calling me by my name

I might just go insane

Don't call me baby girl

Don't call me baby girl

I remember you used to tell me

Things children don't usually hear

About how your brother was slammed into the wall

While you cowered in fear

I'll never forgive him

For what he did to you

I thought it was normal back then

But I'm better

And I know now.

You made stuff up to convict my father

I heard and learned stuff I shouldn't have

Even though you sat me down on the couch and apologized to me

Sent my brother off to therapy that he didn't need

Don't call me baby girl

Don't call me baby girl

Don't call me baby girl

Don't apologize to me