One shots// newt and tbs//

Newt // I'm done

A/n 

Warning this will contain suicide and self harm if you are not comfortable with these topics I suggest you skip it. Have a good day :)

Dear diary,

I woke up with the same feelings again loneliness, sadness, not being good enough and lots more. It hurts everyday knowing that the boy I love will never like me back. This boy has the most beautiful sandy blond hair and brown eyes which shine and look like honey in the sun. Since Bella has come up from the box she has been teasing all the boys. Teresa and I did't really care at first but she has been verbally abusing us. We haven't told anyone. I hate it here. I have began cutting again since she got here. I had been clean for 2 months which was a huge success for me even though it didn't seem very long but started a week ago when Bella got here. I need to go to work in the med-jacks so I have to go now.

-y/n

After I finished writing in my journal for today I needed to get back to work as my lunch break was almost over. I ran into the med-jacks shack to continue my work. Since there were no patients right now I started organizing the supplies. 

"Y/n" Teresa called

"Yes Teresa" I called back

"Hey so I finished the track-hoes for the day you mind if I stay here"

"Not at all its pretty boring here"

We talked about random things until my job was over. I was so happy to be done for the day. Teresa left and hung out with Thomas which left me alone. I knew now was the perfect time so I headed over to the forest. It was becoming dark and the doors had already closed for the night. I climbed up my favorite tree and grabbed my knife that the boys had given me to protect myself incase anything happened. My thoughts came back and engulfed me. Tears spilled down my rosy cheeks. I felt empty. So I grabbed the blade and drug it across my left arm. I winced but was happy I could still feel. I continued when I heard branches and leaves break underneath me. I looked down and saw Newt looking up with wet eyes. 

"Y/n why are you doing this to yourself?" he said so quietly that I could barely hear him.

" y/n "

He began climbing up my tree to my surprise. I tried to hide my wrists but unfortunately he already knew. 

" how long?" he asked questionably but with the same tone as before.

" S-Since Bella got here" I said with a hushed tone

He gently helped me down. All of sudden my feet and body were lifted from the ground. He was carrying me bridal style. My vision had started to get spotty but I held on. He had carried me all the way to the med-jacks where he bandaged up my arm. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep as I was being bandaged up. I soon felt myself being lifted and carried to my hammock. Soon I let the darkness totally consume me.

-----A few weeks later------

Dear diary 

Bella's abuse has turned physical. Teresa has stopped talking to me and hung out with Bella. I think is only hanging out with Bella is so that way she doesn't get hurt by her. Everyone is still in the dark about this abuse. Bella has made sure none of the gladers find out. I still like Newt, no Love Newt but I know he doesn't like me because he has 2 other much prettier girls. 

-y/n

The next few days I was happier. I knew what my plan was for tommorow morning. I was going to sneak into the maze since the runners were going in late. I was going to finally commit. Everyone in the glade was happy this I was feeling better as I was always down. Little did they know my plan for the next morning.

------The next morning------

I woke up to the sound of my watch beeping. Since I was the first girl I got a watch but when the other girls came up I just kept it. I went to grab my note and set it on my bed. I had cleaned my room and made sure everything was perfect. I headed out to the walls and waited for them to open. Soon enough they opened right on time. I ran out into the maze and through the corridors until I found a wall I was satisfied with. I climbed up about 60 feet and reached the top. Tears spilled down my face as I stepped off. 

I began waking up and hear someone saying she's up.I knew what had happened and that I was a failure. I couldn't even kill myself properly. I looked around and saw Newt and Minho just sitting there with red puffy eyes.

"Y/n" they said "We're so happy your okay"

I nodded not knowing what to say. I tried to sit up but was gently pushed down. 

"You need to rest" 

"Why" i croaked "why did you guys save me" i said with teams streaming down my face.

" Because I-I love you and need you." Newt said

"He's just saying that to make me feel better"  I thought to myself.

-----a few weeks later------

I could now get around with the help of another glader or a cane. Since I now a huge limp that was very noticeable the rest of the gladers always tried to help me with everything. I hated it and knew I had to try again. This time I would make sure my plan would work. I thought of many ways but decided on the one that would work the best. I grabbed my 2nd note that I had prepared earlier and put it in my hand. I walked my way over to the med-jack hut. I checked the cabinets in search of lots of pills. I found one containing the perfect amount. I consumed around 10 when suddenly I fell with a loud thump. My legs had given out on me. I heard someone running inside. It was Newt. 

"No no no no... He kept rambling. How many did you take y/n" 

"I to-10. 10 pills" I barely managed to say as my eyes had began getting heavier. 

"HELP" Newt screamed with tears streaming down his face.

" I'm s-sorry N-Newt. Please don't c-cry. I love you but I-I can't take i-it. I-I love y-you. I said while giving into the darkness and taking my final breath.

The letter

Dear Newt,

I'm sorry that you had to find me like this and this note but I couldn't take it anymore. Newt I love you. I always have but I know you didn't feel the same. I have been depressed for 2 years even though I have only been here for 3 years. I went into the map room one day in search of you but saw the maze and how there were no exits. Please keep going strong for me. Tell Teresa that she was a great friend and I will miss her and all of the bloody shanks. Oh and how I will miss Frypans stew. I would kill for another serving of it. Tell Gally that I'm sorry for always breaking his stuff. Oh how he would get so mad at me. Tell the rest of the gladers I'm sorry and will miss all of them and don't let my death stop them from getting out of here. I had asked the creators for something for you Newt. It is in my journal very last page. Ask Teresa where it is and please read all of my entries. A few have been hidden throughout the pages so check those also. Tell chuck and Minho that I'll miss them and how they always lite up the glade. Tell them to stay strong. But Newt I love you to so much and will miss you. Your probably crying at this point because I know you but don't just know that I'm in a way better place and I'm waiting for you. Please don't try to get to me earlier than you are meant to be. I love you. <3

-y/n

A/n sorry this was such a sad chapter but I needed to get these feelings out. If you are ever struggling with anything feel free to msg me. But for now I love all of you. Have  good day or night. :)