deep love | 2

i can't breathe

a/n 

another filler, i'm so sorry i have no idea where this story is headed?? 

i would like to dedicate this chapter to @KaleenaZuazua - thx for voting on almost all the chapters in book one!

if you guys want a chapter to be dedicated to you just message or comment below, and remember to vote. 

enjoy. 

Joe's pov 

I open the front door of Kevin and Danielle's house and sigh. After finishing our ice cream cones, J and I had driven back here, both of us worrying about how Kevin was- I'd told J about the phone call already. 

I head upstairs quietly, glancing around to see if any of my brothers were in the living room. They're not, so I walk up to Kevin's room and knock once. 

I hear muffled sounds and a few seconds later, a bright-eyed Kevin opens the door. He gives me a half smile, and behind him, Dani gets up and hugs him before leaving. 

"So." I say awkwardly, trying not to look in his eyes, red from crying. I almost want to get up and leave- even in the past, Kevin and I weren't as close compared to the relationship I had with Nick. But as I'm about to clear my throat and make an excuse to go get a cup of water, I suddenly remember Kevin comforting me when things were rough with J, telling me that it was okay to cry. 

The memories start to come back, and I stop myself from getting too emotional. I look up at my big brother, who's face is buried in his hands. "Kevin" I whisper, willing myself not to cry. 

I put one arm around him and I can feel his whole body shaking as he tries to stop his tears from flowing. "I don't want the band to break up." His voice is a whisper, but I can still hear his voice shaking as he speaks. I feel my eyes start to water as I put both my arms around him. 

"It'll be okay" I tell him, and I feel his arms snake around me as well. "What if it's my fault?" He asks, and I feel my shirt getting wet from his tears. "Why is it your fault?" I ask, clinging tighter to him than before.  

"Because I have a family"  

His words break my heart, and I shake my head as hard as I can. "It doesn't mean it's your fault- Nick is just a jerk. He's immature, he doesn't know what he's talking about. I hate him. I hate him so much." The words spill out of my mouth before I can stop them, but I suddenly realise that I don't care. 

I hate my brother. 

Kevin sighs as he loosens his grip on me, and he smiles a little as he wipes his eyes and looks away. 

I stagger to my feet and extend an arm to help him up. 

We stare at each other for a while, and I try to assure myself that things will go back to normal. 

"It's gonna be okay" I tell Kevin, but even I don't believe my own words. Kevin nods though, and a smile appears on his face. "I love you." He tells me. 

Before I can even reply, his face changes a bit. "You need anything?" He asks quietly, and for some reason, I know exactly what he's talking about. He's not asking me if I need him to get anything for me- he's asking if I need to cry.

Since young, I've always been that one kid- the one that cries not because of physical pain, but because of emotional pains. Sometimes, I wonder if people hate me for it. What if they don't actually like me for who I am, they just like me because I'm rich and famous? What if Jessica doesn't- 

"Joe?" 

Kevin's voice snaps me back to reality. "Are you okay?" His face is a picture of concern and worry, but as my thoughts start to cloud my head, I force a smile and shake my head. "I'm good" 

Kevin sighs and nods, patting me on the back. "Tell me if you need anything, yeah?" I nod my head as he smiles and reaches for the door. "I love you" He repeats, and I say it back to him, but all I can think about is wonder if my own brothers love me for who I am.  

As the door closes behind Kevin, my breathing starts to get uneasy and I can feel tears pricking the back of my eyes. My chest tightens and I stumble backwards and onto the bed. "J-Jessica" I try to say, but I can't be heard. "Jessica!"  

I struggle to breathe as I stagger to the door and throw it open. "J!" I yell, steadying myself by holding onto the banister. Downstairs, I can hear Kev and Dani's voices. A few seconds later I hear Nick announcing that he's going for a run, and the jingle of keys as I spot Leia following him out. Where's J?

"J-Jessica."  I sit down on the carpeted floor to try to calm my nerves. My hands are so sweaty that I can actually see a layer of sweat on them. 

"Joe?" I hear footsteps thudding up the stairs and I see Kevin running to my side. "What's wrong?" He asks, but I shake my head. "Where's Je-" I gasp to get another breath and Kevin tilts his head to the side and looks at me, confused.

"Je? Jeh? Who's that?" Oh god. 

"Jessica! Not Jeh, you idiot!" Dani yells at him from downstairs, and as his eyes widen as he understands, I manage a tiny smile for Dani- even though she can't see me from downstairs. 

"Oh, she's in the basement with Alena and Valentina!" Kevin says and the tension in my chest eases just the slightest- It's an irrational thought, but I'm relieved that she didn't leave me. "I'll go get her!" Kevin scrambles to his feet, and I let out a sigh and lean against the railing of the stairs. 

"A panic attack?" A few minutes later, I hear J rushing up the stairs, Kevin by her side. 

I breathe a sigh of relief as my heart beat slows back down to normal. Kevin gives a half smile as he nears the top of the stairs, before turning around again and going downstairs.