fear of fears // gawsten

!chapter nine!

VOTE AND COMMENT PLEAAASSE

"awsten, you're an asshole," otto mumbled. it's not like awsten didn't already know that or anything. otto listened to their whole conversation and waited until the next day to bring it up. "you straight up lied to him, you're gay and you know that, why would you make up an excuse like that?"

"well- i mean. some of it was tr-"

"-awsten!"

"dude, calm down, most of it was true," awsten tried to explain.

"that's not how you break up with people, are you fucking stupid?"

awsten gave him a face as if to say, 'uhh yeah?' "i've never been the one that breaks it off, how should i know how to do it? i've been in, like, maybe four serious relationships and the three others ended it over text, i wasn't going to do that."

"it would've been better than whatever you did yesterday!"

"can you stop yelling at me?" he giggled a little, it was clearly a nervous laugh though.

"no, you're not taking this seriously."

"the truth could hurt him, i'm just protecting his feelings," the blue haired boy defended himself.

otto shook his head, a passive aggressive smile forming on his face, "you weren't 'protecting his feelings' yesterday when you broke up with him."

awsten sat there with furrowed brows and pursed lips as he glared at otto. the tension in the room would kill them both if they were lucky.

"the title 'problematic' really does suit you perfectly, do you do shit like this on purpose? cause it seems like you do," otto spat, venom laced every word. awsten continued to sit and glare before he realized that he should leave. so he did, he got up and exited the apartment, grabbing his keys on the way out.

he waited in his car for a little while before starting it and connecting his phone to the radio so he could listen to his own music. hoodie allen's 2012 album started playing when it connected, the blue haired boy didn't mind though because it would only serve as background noise to his thoughts. before driving off, he typed something out in his notes app, 'building my excuse out of pieces of the truth'

he tried to catch himself up on everything that was happening in his head, which wasn't too much. maybe he still loved geoff. deep down, he knew that he did but hell still terrified him. his mother had taunted him with the idea of him burning in hell awhile back when he came out to his family. he thought nothing of it at first but it slowly sank in and made him afraid of dying.

the audio of the song went low for a second while awsten's phone vibrated and made the quiet 'ding' sound. it was a text message from geoff. he was getting his flu shot and awsten had to pick him up because he refused to drive himself there and back for some reason. awsten shook his head, smiling lightly, as he turned to head in the direction of the doctor's office.

geoff was waiting by the entrance, one hand holding his phone and the other hidden in his jacket pocket. he looked up at the sudden movement in the parking lot and saw awsten's car. shoving his hand and phone in his other pocket, he made his way over to the passenger side of the car and got in.

"hey," he said quietly, forcing his eyes to stay away from awsten.

awsten examined the other's face and came to the conclusion that geoff didn't cry while getting the shot, "hey, did you even get the shot, dude?" he asked, noting that his face wasn't tear stained and his eyes weren't red.

geoff, still looking the other way, replied with, "yeah?"

awsten raised an eyebrow, for some reason he didn't buy it at all, but he didn't want to pry at him in that moment, instead he left the parking lot and began to drive back. he ended up stopping at a gas station for fuel and an energy drink for himself, he also asked if geoff wanted anything but he claimed he didn't.

when awsten came back out of the gas station, geoff was scrolling through his photos and deleting certain ones. as he got closer, he realized what they were, they were photos of them together. a lump formed in awsten's throat and some tears were starting to form as well, threatening to spill over. "well fuck," he whispered to himself as he got into the car and started it.

he set the drink in a cup holder and started to drive back to their apartment. some tears did end up rolling down his cheeks and the lump got bigger, making it harder for him to contain the loud wails he was holding back. he felt like the biggest loser, he was crying over a relationship that he, himself, had ended.

awsten got lost in his thoughts pretty quickly, but it didn't last that long.

"awsten! watch the ro—"