The Girl Who Has Gone Through It All

darker chapter, read if you want..

A/N TRIGGER WARNING (this one is not nearly as bad as others that will come) MENTIONS OF DEATH and rape.

sorry if its triggering to anyone, but this story really isn't for you if it is

also, longer chapter than usual!

October 23, 2008

i told mom about everything that happened this past year.. but she didn't believe me. she thinks i'm full of shit. so she didn't mention it to him. she thinks I don't like him because dad died and no one can replace him. which is very true, nobody could ever replace him. he was the most perfect dad ever. I miss him more and more everyday. but i guess his death could be something i write about another day. it still hurts too much.. my step dad is starting to touch me more.., but not hugs like before. i don't get it.. maybe some day i'll understand why he does this to me.

December 13, 2009

he started touching me more.. and now i get it. i get what hes doing. but mom still doesn't believe me. its like i could scream the loudest scream... but she wouldn't hear. i could cry all the tears in the world, look myself in my room whenever he is over, but she wouldn't notice. he could kill me and she probably wouldn't notice. and its my fault. i let this go on for too long. and now she is very madly in love with him. so now, this worn out diary that i'm surprised I still have is the only outlet for my pain. so heres whats happened. heres why i think everything with him has gone too far. one day my mom left to go shopping. she left me alone with bill.. i locked myself in my room. but he didn't like that... he wanted to come in. i live on the first story of my apartment complex and i had the window open., so he went around the  house and came in through there. when he was at the window i tried to run but he grabbed my wrist and didn't let go. he proceeded to come inside, shut and lock the window. then locked my door and blocked off my door, all while having a tight hold on my wrist. then he pushed me on the bed and began touching me where he hadn't before. all private spots my mom said were precious and I needed to protect until I was sure i wanted it. and i didn't want it. but she wasn't home to help me. i was helpless. he continued touching and i tried to resist but i couldn't.. he was too strong. then he undressed me, and i think if anyone were to read my diary other than me they would know what happened from there. it hurt really bad. and he continued to do it anytime my mom wasn't home. i told my mom i cried i begged her to believe me but she didn't. so i gave up. i didn't know what to do. so i stopped trying. now i just write in here everyday. i will always be helpless. i'm supposed to be home with him later and I can't go anywhere. I have no where to go.

-viv