I Need A Gangster

Chapter 1

Junhoe's POV

I looked at the guy who was eating in front of me, smiling as he was talking with the blonde sitting next to him.

Jinhwan hyung is going to turn 20 next week, I know him since he was 16 and he just...

It's like with every year that passes he only becomes more beautiful.
He really is beautiful. And I hate myself for thinking that.

When I first met him, he didn't hesitate to take the big brother role although he barely knew me.

I didn't understand why he did that, but I soon found myself admiring him for how strong he acted.
I wanted to become strong so I could protect him.

I've been training with Youngbae and Donghyuk, he started teaching us how to use a gun too to defend ourselves better.

I've managed to become stronger.

But every time I looked at Jinhwan in the past few years, I couldn't help but think of him as anything else but my brother.

And I really hated myself for that.
He doesn't deserve this disrespect. The way I find myself thinking about him or dreaming about him...

I'm really shameless.
I shouldn't be thinking those things. It isn't right. He's my older brother. Why can't I understand that?

"June?" Jinhwan asked in wonder as I got up. "Where are you going?"

It took a lot from me to ignore his question and walk away. That's all I've been doing lately.
He must be feeling hurt.

"June." I heard his voice and felt his hand on my shoulder to make me stop walking.

"Something wrong? You're not feeling well?" He asked me in worry.

"I'm fine." I made him let go of me. "Don't mind me."

"June!" Jinhwan insisted. "Just talk with me."

"I said I'm fine, hyung!"

Jinhwan looked at me a bit surprised. I never raised my voice at him like that before.

"June... why do you hate me? You know hyung loves you so much..."

"Don't say that!" I argued.
Love me? Why would he care about me in the first place?

He shouldn't be worrying about me. I don't deserve his worry right now. I don't think I ever deserved it.

"Why shouldn't I? You're my younger brother. I was there to help you recover, I took care of your wounds, took care of you when you were sick and calmed you down when you had nightmares."

Younger brother...
Right. I'm his younger brother. That's all I'd ever be to him.

And that's exactly why I need to distance myself from him.
Because I can't stand it.

I can't stand him being so nice to me while I don't think about him the same way he thinks about me. I shouldn't be thinking about it at all.
Ignoring him is my best option.

"June..." Jinhwan said softly, holding my hands. "You used to tell me everything that bothered you... tell me what's wrong and hyung will take care of it."

I took my hand back, shaking my head. "It's not something you can fix. Just leave me."

Spending hours training is the best distraction I have now. It won't help me feel any better. I'll still have those disgusting thoughts about him.

I just don't want him to know.

"I won't leave you! You're making me worried about you! You're so off lately and the fact you're ignoring me like I'm nothing to you... Am I such a horrible brother? When you arrived I tried so hard to be the best brother figure to you... Tell me what I'm doing wrong June."