after Augustus

Chapter 13

"Hello Mr. and Mrs. Lancaster!"

They exchanged their smiles and all. I began to realize something. Why was I doing this to myself? The true torture of love does exist. Dear Isaac, to answer your question, I do not believe in true love. So why waste my time, if much remaining, falling in love only to be distraught by consequences that should follow. I knew I was next. Next in line to suffer in this dark hole called love. Where hearts are broken and innocence is stolen.

"Hello Hazel!"

He wrapped me in his warm, weakening embrace. Wonderful. Sweet, although bitter to my pleasure. He held me there and reassured me with a slight squeeze. I just needed to let him know that I didn't need reassuring. But how?

He released me. He had a look of confusion, eyebrows creased and eyes of sorrow. It was because i didn't exactly return the hug. I gave him that look of someone with so much to say. Just no way to say it. He knew something was on my mind. I lead him to the back yard. Where the old swing set should be. Another reason not invest anymore time in this life that will return to hell if I don't do anything.

I liked him. Okay, I loved him. I loved him so much that i needed to escape, like there was a bomb ticking away the time left in my life. I don't care what the doctors say. I'm no where near cancer free. I know the feeling. overflowing in water and to be without proper oxygenation.

"Whats wrong?'

"More like whats right. nothing. Everything about my life is wrong."

I probably should have prepared him better. His cheeks flush red. I look down to the ground regreting how strong i came on. I probably should apologize.

"Look, i'm sorry. Its just that....that I don't think, whatever this is between us, is going to work."

In no way did his expression change. He must have been prepared for this. Smart boy. He almost had a grin on his face.

"Is this funny to you?"

My face suddenly becoming serious.

"No its just that I knew that this might happen."

"Whats in it for you anyway? Why me? I'm not pretty, I'm not smart.."

Then as he leaned in closer and closer it became a whisper.

"And I'm broken"

As he leaned in even closer, pushing the hair behind my ear he whispers

"You are the most beautiful person I have ever met. And I don't want to be any further away from you then I am right now."

I then whisper back "You say that now, Give it time, you are going to be even more scared of me than you are right now." I say half joking.

"Hazel Grace Lancaster, I am already terrified"

Just like that. I'm not sure if I kissed him or he kissed me first. But that dosn't matter. He lightly pulled away.

"So why are you so scared? Why do you even question this?"

"Because I am terrified of going back to that place, where I wouldn't eat for a whole week, to being broken more than I am now."

"That won't happen, I'm willing to risk it, if you are."

"I am."

Then our lips were in sync as the electricity shot threw my whole body. Together we blocked out the rest of the world only focusing on each other. Because thats all that mattered. Us. Thats what mattered. We slightly separated as it began to rain. We both looked to the sky. But we were inseparable. Rain couldn't stop us. Neither could anything else in this world ever stop this moment. I wish i could freeze time and stay like this forever.

But all good things come to an end.

"We should go somewhere else. The neighbors have kids"

"Thats probably a good idea. Where do you want to go?"

I smiled at him as I said

"I will go anywhere, as long as i'm with you"